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IELTS Task 1 _Description of Graph - spending time on the phone calls


IELTSWARRIOR 1 / -  
Sep 18, 2017   #1
Hello, this is the first time I use Essay Forum. I'm grateful for having expertise's help.

UK telephone callers



The chart shows changes in the whole spending time of minutes(in billions) for the UK telephone callers during 1995 and 2002, divided into local, national & international and mobiles.

Overall, it is obviously to see that the local-fixed line users spent the most time, with over 50% for each eight years from 1995 to 2002. Subsequently, the national & international-fixed line and mobiles users stayed behind, and unlike the local users, both of them displayed a incline trend.

It was a large distance between the mobiles and local callers in 1995, with a approximately 70% comparing to 5% below. However, by 2002, the mobiles have comfortably increased to around 40%, while the local decreased to about 60%.

In the year of 2002, was a major transition that the mobiles began to raise up rapidly; on the contrast, the local started to show a downward trend. Nevertheless, the national & international users have been steadily growing during these years.

That's all of my essay. Thank you!

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Sep 19, 2017   #2
TingTing, your essay is not within the minimum required number of words for a Task 1 essay. Don't forget that you will be penalized for writing under the 150 word minimum in this particular task. In order to not receive a penalty, please make sure that you write at least the minimum word requirement. In fact, it would be better if you wrote more than that. Aim for at least 200 words in the essay in order to increase your chances at increasing your overall score. The best way to meet the word requirement is to try to write at least 3 sentences per paragraph, 5 would be more ideal. the reason that you have to write more is because the analysis portion of the writing can only be properly presented within a more complete explanation of the provided information. had you attached the image for this essay, I would have been able to show you exactly how to do that. At the moment, it seems that you just have a superficial understanding of the image that you were provided and the information you present is not really analyzed. You just went for the obvious information, which is why your presentation came in under the word count.
LadyOfClockwork 25 / 78 20  
Oct 6, 2017   #3
@IELTSWARRIOR
Hi, I think you should not have addressed the details before properly paraphrasing the prompts.

Here is an example I offer for you:
The chart below shows the total number of minutes ...
=> The bar chart shows the total duration of telephone calls in billion minutes, in the UK from 1995 to 2002. They fall into three categories, namely: local fixed line calls; national and international fixed line calls; and all types of mobile calls.
monopolymi 4 / 8  
Oct 8, 2017   #4
Hi, you have to write more than 150 words and in the first paragraph, you should paraphrase the given question.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,198 464  
Oct 9, 2017   #5
Hellooo there..., it is always good to include the picture of the graph as this way helps us to help you thoroughly mark your essay. Without any picture, it sometimes takes time to proofread such an essay. As seen above, some have already shared their valuable feedback towards your essay. They suggest that you should pay particular attention to what IELTS wants you to do: word requirement, coherence and cohesion, and paraphrased prompt. I also notice that you need to put more concern on how you develop your paragraphs. A good paragraph, as far as my concern, at least consists of three sentences in a row, including a topic sentence and two supporting sentences. Take a look at more closely your paragraphs above shows that majority of them are missing those criteria. I think you'd better rewrite them, then I'll be back to check other parts. Good luck :D

- Eddy Suaib.


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