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IELTS writing task 1 Description of a town centre and making comparsion after a development plan

JohnNg 1 / -  
Aug 14, 2018   #1

Graphical presentation of a town's development

The maps below show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now,and plans for its development.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons when relevant

The newly proposed development scheme of the Islip town centre is put forward recently,in which the layout of it would be under a drastic transformation.

Currently,the majority of development have been surrounding of the main road.A bunch of shops are neatly lined along the main road.The main road branches off to the school and the park,offering access for them as well as the nearby residential area.

Nevertheless,in accordance with the development scheme,the layout of Islip town centre will probably be thoroughly transformed.A dual carriageway is to be introduced to the town centre,with a dozen of additional amenities.A bunch of shops are going to be eliminated while the area extends to the nearby countryside.These amenities would be located there,including a bus station,a shopping centre and a car park.Apart from the newly constructed amenities,the town centre would also have two additional housing blocks.

Mochachii 3 / 3  
Aug 15, 2018   #2
put forward recently,in add a space between the comma and in.
Add a space between Currently, the.
Mostly just spacing issues between the punctuations and words Spacing is important. Be mindful of that.

"Currently,..." doesn't sound right to me.
I would say. "... of development is surrounding of the main road" or "The majority of development is happening around the main road" or something along the lines of that.
Minh2903 6 / 13 3  
Aug 16, 2018   #3
Here are some of my suggestion:
_You should avoid using " a bunch of...", it might sound informal to me, instead, using " a great deal of/ a great number of"
_" The main road will be transformed/modernized into a dual carriageway that will border the central area"
_"A great deal of shop which situated alongside the main road will be grouped into a shopping center.

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