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Descriptive writing; unexpected events, unpredictable situations and unforgettable moments in life

Rosette 1 / 1  
Nov 23, 2014   #1
I was wondering if you could help me review and improve my descriptive essay.

As you grow up life presents you with unexpected events, unpredictable situations and unforgettable moments. Sometimes, people travel from one place to another, hoping to expand their knowledge, broaden their horizon and search for feelings that they had once buried deep inside. We all look for something long lasting along our journey. Some sense for admiration and comfort, even if some don't want to admit it. We all want a feeling of compassion and love without an expiration date.

Just like everyone in this world, I also faced my own battles. There were highs and lows but now I understand that it all lead to this moment: the feelings that warms me up inside whenever I am near him. And here I sit, hand in hand, skin to skin with the love of my life.

Eric and I have been peacefully wedded for 36 years: the greatest years of my life. He does irritate on some days but that's marriage for me right. Maybe that's what life does to you; it wrinkles you up like a prune and sticks with one old saggy pig of a husband who constantly stinks of cabbage, grins like he is high on morphine somehow I still manage to love him. I know I'm sounding all light-headed and thrilled, but that is what love does to you; it makes you blissful.

We live in a small simply cosy cottage in the abandoned outskirts of Australia .It has a canopied swing off to one side and has a few steps up to the door. There is hardly any grass because it is mostly a meditation garden. Small little statues are hidden near the flourishing bushes. Snowy flowers, pink, sapphire, and violet perennials and lots of fauna and flora that drapes shades, hides and flatters. Even a small fountain is buried in the greenery, so you always hear the softness of the flowing water .Never had I ever felt the feeling of seclusion whilst living here. This place only gives me marvelous memories, filled only with my one and only.

Today, Eric had decided we sit outside and watch the serene sunset. What we didn't expect were the children passing by. Backpacks strapped on and school uniforms filled with dirt that reminded them of their tiring day, they jumped about in excitement as they eagerly told their friends about their day. Others were behaving like scoundrels and others behaving as if the world had ended.

I smiled, remembering the days when I used to be the same. A young pretty little girl (with long cascading golden locks, baby soft rosy cheeks, small button nose and soft pink Cupid's bow shaped lips) running around like I didn't give a care in the world. But all I am now is just an ancient bag of potatoes decomposing away in the back of the cupboard. Being old sucks; people treat like you an unimportant needful child. Sometimes I just feel so unloved.

Being old just drains my soul; my soul just constantly feels as if I am drowning in solitude and guilt. All my hope feels lost in the world around me. It's like trying to swim in an ocean so deep of despair, which seems to continue till the tip of the earth. But I still have managed to stop myself from drowning. Could this mean not all hope is lost?

But I know deep in my heart that little fraction of hope helping float is my Eric. We both have experienced the same pain, same hatred and same betrayal from those we love. All just because we chose to love one another.

My lover and I have been together for what feels like centuries. Just remembering our first days together bring me agony, the amount of hatred I had to overcome was unbelievable. My own family turn their backs on me. but that made me stronger and realize that I shouldn't rely on other people , I learnt that if I wanted to live my life freely I had to drop the things weighing me down and run towards my destiny. To this day I still don't regret walking away from those I loved the most.

In all these years I have lived, the biggest lesson I have I learnt is to survive the harsh world and keep my head held up high and keep running towards my fate.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 23, 2014   #2
Kanyepi, before I comment on the descriptive essay, may I know what your are being asked to describe in particular? I ask this because I see a number of life events being described within the essay which I feel brings this essay into a more personal area. So I want to make sure that I don't offend you in any way with my comments or suggestions. I notice some grammatical errors that can be corrected in the essay without affecting the over all descriptive content. The essence of your essay is quite sweet and touching. I like the way you use descriptive words to move the essay along. It truly brings the reader into the world that you are describing and offers us an opportunity, even as strangers, to get to know you better. So I am sure that this is a very effective descriptive essay. With some minor adjustments, based upon the topic of the essay of course, I am sure that we can make it even better and polish it to near perfection or perfection for you :-)

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