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Who deserves to get higher pays ? _Ielts


salmav 8 / 27 4  
Jan 12, 2013   #1
Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do.

How far do you agree or disagree?

It is undeniable that certain workers like doctors, teachers and nurses have played an important role to society up till now. Some people think that it is unfair for doctors to be paid less than actors or bosses in big companies. Actually, if we just consider only one aspect of matter, we will not find the right answers to solve it.

As I am concerned, movie stars may earn much more than other people in the same period of time, though they do not get it monthly and stably. You can see that there are not enough movies for them to cast as well as advertisements. At the times, some actors do sacrifice themselves to careers. For instance, they cut down hair, lose weights or even stay away from world so as to similar to characters in the movies. Heath Ledger could be the best example for this. Unfortunately, he died 4 years ago as he was so highly obsessed with Joker, whom he has casted for. The fact is money could not bring him back. For others, their salaries are only used for a short time.

In contrast, doctors have already high wages, not include extra pays, which have enough and to spare. Further on, people also get pension when they retire. With the regard to company bosses, it is believed that they just sit on chairs, sign papers or read the plans and make decisions. However, those are really important because they have to use all their proficiencies to put into practice in order to get the best remedies. If principal were a job, there would be a subject teaching how to be one. In fact, you might find diamonds, but they are the ones who make them jewelries.

On other hand, some people do not deserve what they have dedicated. Some movies stars and models do nothing but get heaps of money. While others have to get up early, stay up late to finish work and do achieve less than 1/10 of theirs. Moreover, some people are born to be bosses because their families have companies, though they do not have any experiences. I am of the opinion that we should pay people for what they have contributed, instead of their jobs.

Hope sb will estimate my score for this essay :). Thanks in advanced
claudio94 2 / 4  
Jan 12, 2013   #2
You should consider organizing paragraphs. It should be clear where the introduction, the body and the conclussion is located. Also, you should write a better conclussion. Its a good essay, i can tell that you have a good level of english. Just make sure you organise the paragraphs and write more in the conclussion. Good luck :)
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Jan 13, 2013   #3
hai...

you have some good points...

On other hand===> on the other hand

Tessy
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jan 14, 2013   #4
It is undeniable that certain workers like doctors, teachers and nurses have played an important role to society up till now.

It is undeniable that certain professionals like doctors, teachers and nurses always play a very important role in society.

Actually, if we just consider only one aspect of matter, we will not find the right answers to solve it.

You need to specify what that aspect is, even if you are still in the introduction para. This line sounds too vague.

As I am concerned, movie stars may earn much more than other people in the same period of time, though they do not get it monthly and stably.

"As far as I am concerned" is the common usage.
This is my suggestion;
Generally, movie stars earn a lot more than other professionals of their time. However, their income lacks stability and security as it depends on their performance and capability. For example, if an actor meets with an accident and become physically disable, that would be the end of his career and so does his earnings.
OP salmav 8 / 27 4  
Jan 14, 2013   #5
Thanks, dumi :)
I want to get over 7.0 in writing, plz give me corrections as well as estimated score. So that I could try harder :)


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