Destination most of students after graduation

destination of UK graduate and postgraduate learners after finishing their study

The graphics on the pictures show about ratio of destination of UK graduate and postgraduate learners after finishing their study in campus in 2008.
Generally, the academicians after passing from college will work or continuou their study. Those who choose to work, usually look for full-time, part-time, or voluntary work. Unfortunately, some of them cannot get the job. Based on the picture, the charts did not explain how many students who choose full-time work. Because of that, both of graph describe part-time and voluntary work, unemployment and further study.

These data describe more 17.000 students have destination as part-time work for graduates and about 2500 learners for postgraduates. These is the most number of students who culling work. Differently with voluntary work, only 3500 masters and 345 doctors. These choice are the fewest number. Unhappily, there are many bachelors and masters still unemployment. On the other hand, those who are going to study about 29.000 students for graduates and 2.700 students for postgraduates.

When the data between academicians choose the job and continuou the study are compared, the academician who pick out to work more many than those who carry out to study with details more 36.500 masters choose to work and no more 30.000 masters choose to further study. As well as, the numbers of doctor pick out to work more 4400 and about 2700 doctors pick out to continuou to study.

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Afif, in the case of this essay, it would have been better if you combined the first sentence with the full paragraph beneath it in order to create your opening statement. Remember, the overview will be most effective when you can illustrate the provided information in a summary or recap form. That helps to increase the task accuracy score because the elements for discussion, as well as the method of discussion will be fully threshed out at the start of the essay.

The overall presentation is sound and shows that you took a decent amount of time in considering the evidence presented on a deeper level than just what was on the paper. While you tried your best to use complex sentences, an obvious attempt at improving your GRA score, you were not as successful as you had hoped because the sentence structure became a bit confusing for the reader. While I applaud your attempt at the complex sentences, if done improperly, like in most instances in your essay, it ends up reducing instead of increasing your score. It is best to write simple sentences, which can best represent your thought process, and get a small increase in your score, than to try to be complex and reduce your scoring considerations. Overall, this is not a bad attempt at writing an essay that has the potential to score a 5 in the final consideration.

Please see my correction of some grammatical errors in the first two paragraphs.
... show about the ratio of destination of UK ...

Generally, after passing from college, the academicians after passing from college will work or continue their study.
... cannot get thea job. Based on the picture, t
Because of thatFor this reason, both of the graphs describe part-time and ...

Sorry if I used the editing tools incorrectly.