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Developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid

hphuc123 4 / 10 4  
Jul 23, 2018   #1

financial help for developing countries?

Question: Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essay: Nowadays it is usual practice for wealthy nations to offer financial aid to their poorer counterparts, but unfortunately, this proves an ineffective method in the combat against poverty. As a result, some would argue that said countries should offer other forms of assistance rather than money; and while this and my thoughts concur partially on the need to give various types of help, I firmly believe that they should also be accompanied by financial assistance.

As a matter of fact, most of the money received in the aforementioned donations is initially distributed to many departments of the governments, prior to actually reaching the hands of poor families. The presence of corruption in developing countries, namely those in the Middle East, although covered by layers and layers of deception, is somewhat undeniable. Therefore it is vital to offer various types of assistance, including political analyzation of poor countries' governments and appropriate suggestions, to ensure an effective movement against poverty.

However, without the appropriate funds for developing countries to make the necessary changes, other forms of help cannot be pushed to their limits. For instance, financial advice is of little value to those who have no money to spend. What's more, ensuring that the donated money actually reach poor families is undoubtedly pointless if there was no money available to distribute in the first place. Financial support might not be well spent by the recipient governments, but its nature will be best incorporated with other types of assistance.

In conclusion, I admittedly believe that other forms of help are required of first world countries to offer to the poorer nations of the world, but I am also of the opinion that they should always be attended by financial aid in order to rid citizens of poor countries of their miserable conditions.

I know I had some serious reasoning issues with this essay, and I spent a little too much thinking time on this, which all resulted in more panic time for me. Please give me feedback on this and some suggestions for me to think faster and write a comprehensive plan in ielts writing task 2; I think I have some issues with thinking up points for the task and to support it appropriately.

smally01 9 / 34 14  
Jul 23, 2018   #2
Hi hphuc123, sorry for my bad english, would you mind tell you are on which side (agree/disagree)? Is it because you find hard to generating the idea for either side so you choose the balancing approach?

As I believe the IELTS writing test is aim to let us show the examiner the capability of using writing english to communicate, so there is not necessary to present an complicated ideas/points/facts/examples.

Re the question you just post, what if:
On the agree side - that save government reserves for local welfare purpose / the rich cannot fund/feed the poor forever / to create the job opportunities for the developing countries / cheap labour also beneficial to the host country...

On the disagree side - less interfere on other countries ... sorry can't think any, maybe hints already there in the question "Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty." <- the question itself query about the effectiveness of just financial aid.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,804 2614  
Jul 24, 2018   #3
Hoang, the problem you have is that you tend to begin your discussion in the first paragraph when you should only be summarizing the prompt, based on your own understanding, in that particular paragraph. If you learn how to look for the keywords in the original discussion, you will begin to figure out how to write your prompt restatement in the shortest but clearest possible manner.

In this discussion, the keywords and phrases are: Rich countries, give money to poorer countries, does not solve poverty, developed countries, other types of help, rather than financial aid, extent, agree or disagree. Based on these keywords, the following restatement can be created:

Affluent nations support impoverished nations. However, the aid does not resolve the problem of destitution in the country. That is why a suggestion has been made that other types of assistance should be given to the poor nation to resolve the problem. I partially agree with this suggestion.

Now, in your essay, you don't really explain what sort of alternative solutions are being suggested that makes you think that such a move will not be able to help the indigents of the country. You over discuss the main topic. You need to make sure that you always refer back to the original prompt as a reference point. That will help you to not over discuss the topic or stray from the topic discussion. In this essay you strayed from the original discussion and you lost your focus in the presentation.

The other way of thinking about this prompt would be: If you agree that there are other ways to help poor nations, how would you do it? Aside from financial aid, what other ways can be implemented to help poor nations?

When you write your outline try to use the following format:

Keywords / phrases
My response
Reason 1
Reason 2
Reason 3 (optional)
Concluding summary

Use only keywords in the outline. Think of what you want to say, but don't fully develop it yet. Just write the topic and related keywords that you want to discuss in that part of the paragraph. When you finish outlining, you can draft the paragraph bodies. That is when you write a more detailed version of the outline in complete sentences in a paragraph format. This should take no more than:

10 minutes - Read and understand the original prompt, find keywords / phrases in the original discussion, outline discussion and reasons
20 minutes - Write the draft essay (1 topic per paragraph, 4-5 paragraphs with 3-5 sentences each)
10 minutes - Editing, proofreading, finalization

Time total: 40 minutes

This is the format I train my students to use and they always find great benefits in doing their work this way. Writing this paper will be difficult for ESL learners because it is pen and paper based so manual corrections have to be done in terms of having to manually erase your mistakes before correcting them. That is why you should use a pencil for this part of the test. If you can quickly outline your essay, you will be able to focus on giving thought to and writing a proper draft essay with enough time to do a quick edit before submission.

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