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[WRITING 2 IELTS] In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. Ageing societies.


ainekuraine1134 1 / -  
Mar 12, 2021   #1
Topic:

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing.


What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations


There is a fact that residents of industrialized nations are having longer life expectancy than ever before. As this trend continues, in the future, the number of old people will be more greater than the young; therefore, the rest of the world population would have to shoulder much more responsibilities. However, societies' actions to mitigate these problems are still possible.

Due to aging population in developed countries, many pressures will be placed on the whole world. The major issue is both governments and businesses have to pay more retirement pensions and health care costs, since the number of people who are eligible to receive the money is increasing considerably in the near future. It means the tax-payers will bear a serious financial burden and the young workforce has to work harder to care for the elderly. Furthermore, lack of young labour resources would cause stagnation not only for the growth of individual internal businesses, but also the global economy. As a result, many first world countries whose proportion of senior citizens is higher than the junior, such as Japan, are already suffering these negative consequences of longer life expectancy.

Nonetheless, there are some steps that governments and societies could consider to resolve this issue. Firstly, simple solution would be to extend the standard retirement age from 60 - 65 years old to 75 years old, since the old nowadays can still lead a productive working life, especially those have career at educational institutions. This way would reduce social welfare budget for the pension. On the other hand, the heads of societies should also provide a subsidy for the young people when they plan to buy a house besides encouraging citizens to have more children.

In conclusion, various measures can be used to tackle to the problems which are certained to the aging population in developed world.

Thank you for reading and correction! I really appreciate your help ❤
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,837 4174  
Mar 12, 2021   #2
In the restatement sentence, do not mention "fact" since there is no reference to such in the original prompt. You do not need to verify the truthfulness of the topic since it is not being asked for in the original presentation. You don't have to exaggerate the discussion since that will most likely change the presentation focus and format. Just do a simple retelling of the original topic to avoid any confusion in the presentation, which is what happened in this case. Good work on the thesis statement. However, a more specific solution topic was required in response to the second instruction. All of these would have helped to create a proper prompt restatement and thesis presentation on your part, resulting in a higher TA score.

You wrote too much in the first 3 paragraphs, while you underwrote in the summary conclusion. You should be writing a total of 300 words, with at least 40 words allotted to the reverse paraphrase in the concluding section. That is to help increase your TA score to show the examiner how well you remembered the original topic, your reasons, and solutions, and are able to present a short form to the reader just as a reminder of the previous discussion points.


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