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Task 1: Development of Chorleywood village from the nineteenth to the twentieth century


DiepVu 2 / 4  
Jun 15, 2019   #1
I'm so grateful if i receive some comments to make my essay better
Please give me some comments, thanks a lot!!!

analisys of the village near London



Chorleywood is a village near London whose population has increased steadily since the middle of the nineteenth century. The map below shows the development of the village.

Since the second half of the nineteenth century, population in Chorleywood, London increased in a gradual way, which leads to essential development and infrastructure changes.

In general, from 1986 to 1994, there were many areas built through year by year. Besides, two roads as Motorway and Railway were also opened.

Firstly, railway was built in 1909 and located in South of Chorleywood. It is a way connecting between East and West of Chorleywood. In 1970, motorway went into operation which lay along from North to South. Moreover, the road had an intersection with main road at Northeast.

Around Chorleywood Park and Golf course, from 1868 to 1994, new areas were developed quickly and clearly. Especially, Chorleywood station which was near the intersection between main road and railway was a big place built from 1883 to 1922. After that, South west area was focused on developing until 1970. From 1970 to 1994, development of areas spread along with motorway in East of Chorleywood.



Maria - / 1,098 389  
Jun 15, 2019   #2
@DiepVu
Hello there!

I'll try my best to provide you with feedback on your writing.

First and foremost, optimize your essay. If you can use more techniques that will enable you to have enhanced structure in your essay, prefer to do so.

Consider these revisions:

... in a gradual way, which leads... changes. leading to infrastructural developments.

In general, f From 1986 to ... built through year by year yearly. Besides, t Two roads as M motorway and R railway ...

Notice how the revisions that I had made were primarily to integrate altogether portions of your essay to create a more structured approach.

Observe these other changes I will make:

Firstly, The railway was built in 1909, and located in the South of Chorleywood. It is a way connecting between connected the village's east and west East and West of Chorleywood. ... which lay laid along from North to South the north and south. Moreover, the road it had an intersection with the main road at Northeast..

It's quite unnecessary for you to continuously mention that you're referring to a specific road/railway, considering that you had already elaborated and established this as a fact since the beginning of the essay.

Best of luck in your writing endeavors.


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