Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS TASK 2: The Development of Tourism Contributed to English Becoming the Most Prominent Language


dimdim02 7 / 13 1  
Jul 20, 2018   #1
The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent language in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming the only language to be spoken globally. what are the advantages and disadvantages to having one language in the world

The increasing of tourism recently gave impact to people to use English more frequently over others languages in the world. People said that it can make English become the only language which people use to communicate internationally. This essay will discuss about benefits and drawbacks if it happens.

On the one hand, being easily connected all over the word is one of benefits if English was mother of tongue for everyone. If vigorous communication was built, diplomacy amongst countries, especially for two-conflict-countries, will result a win-win solution. Furthermore, this condition make peace happened and solve a lot of world problems such as hunger, poverty, equality and many more.

On the other hand, there are some problems will appear. People who understand English do not need read subtitle when they watch movie, and they will read international book version more often. it means translator job is not necessary anymore, and companies are beginning to retire their employees, which lead unemployed rate rise. this phenomenon has domino effect, which can give negative impact to others life aspects. for instance, when the quantity of jobless increase, the crime rate will rise as well.

to sum up, there are both positive and negative side, when English become one language people spoken globally. The benefits is no more language barrier and The drawbacks is interpreters will loss their job.

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Jul 21, 2018   #2
Dimas, I know what it is that you are trying to say in this essay. Unfortunately, you did not do a very good job of developing your English sentences for the presentation. There are some sentences which left me confused and stressed as I had to repeatedly read the passage in order to guess what you are trying to say. This is particularly evident in the following quote:

being easily connected all over the word is one of benefits if English was mother of tongue for everyone.

- I think what you were trying to say was "world" instead of "word" and you failed to use the connecting phrase "is the" when you referred to the mother tongue. The correct presentation for that is "English is the mother tongue..."

Then, in the third paragraph, you make reference to the translator job but you do not fully explain that it is only the translator job that you are referring to when you discuss unemployment. There is also no proper reference as to why the use of the English language will result in a crime rate increase.

Do not try to over-discuss the issue. Use only one topic per paragraph so you can focus on the clarity of your explanation. The reviewer doesn't need to read plenty of reasons. He only needs to know that you can use one reason and explain it well enough for a native English speaker to understand.

You have the potential to do well in this test. You just need to focus more on the quality of your presentation rather than the number of information you are presenting as content.
OP dimdim02 7 / 13 1  
Jul 21, 2018   #3
over

Thank you for your feedback. since you gave me advice that I have to learn more about developing the sentence structure, punctuation, and English vocabulary in the previous test I posted (i hope you still remember), I have written essay better than before. Thank you so much.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: The Development of Tourism Contributed to English Becoming the Most Prominent Language