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Writing task 1: the diagram of bottled and canned carbonate drink


DiepVu99 9 / 21 9  
Sep 8, 2020   #1
I will be so grateful if you can read my essay and leave some advice, Thank you!

Analysis of production process basing on the diagram



The diagram given demonstrates the way how botted and canned carbonate drinks are produced.
In general, there are six stages that would be in order while implementing. Water would be changed into complete products in bottles and cans. After that, they would be distributed to supermarkets.

To begin with, water is collected and put in the factory. Immediately, it is purified by filter equipment and simultaneously be transferred straight forward to the second stage. Through heating and cooling pipes of the process, its temperature is forced to increase and decline. Next to the third step, carbonate is provided in order to amount to an addition to water.

At the fourth stage, steps of the mixture are carried out with three types such as syrub mixture, color, and sterilized water. Here, the results are drinks without the package. After obtaining the products, the packing with bottles and cans is implemented. Finally, the complete products are allocated out to supermarkets for consumption.




Holt [Contributor] - / 9,317 2868  
Sep 8, 2020   #2
Look at the diagram. There are 6 titles for the soda making process. For the summary overview, you should have used the titles to give a quick procedural outline to the reader. There is no trending statement for this procedure. There is also incorrect grammar in the first sentence of the summary overview paragraph:

... the way how bottled and canned...

You do not use the correct descriptive words in the essay:
... put in the factory - taken to the factory
Carbonate - carbonate water
syrub - syrup

Sentence structure errors:
and simultaneously be transferred straight forward to the... - and IS simultaneously TRANSFERRED to the...
... in order to amount to an addition to water - ... to add water to the mix

The specific errors you made in word usage and grammar will be the problems that could prevent you from getting a passing score in an actual test.


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