Unanswered [10] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Diagram process of headland erosion (IELTS writing task 1)


Wakalanud 3 / 7 3  
Sep 5, 2017   #1

stages of headland erosion



The stages of headland erosion are showed in diagram process. As it can be seen that 4 consecutive stages due to natural process become the one of reason for this cause.

Initially, the erosion of headland happens in faint spot-rock. The natural process like sea water become the main case of this problem that subsequently hit the body of headland. Because of this phenomenon, small and medium hole is made in a surface. As time goes by, the medium former cave transform into arch that connecting the other side of current wave and tend to like door or Dorset, while the small one getting bigger.

Apart from the previous explanation, the successive waves knocking down the headland roof in moderate cave and leaving a stack that far from coastline. The previous little cave is also created and connected to both side of the cape. In the last stages, the headland come closer to the shore which neglect the stack and stump behind.




Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Sep 5, 2017   #2
Heru, since this is your first posting here at EF, I will allow you some leeway and not score this essay yet. Believe me, if I decided to score this essay, it would not have gotten anywhere near a passing mark. So, rather than focusing on the score, I would like you to focus on a number of problem points in this essay for your improvement in the next practice essay.

The first problem of this essay is the fact that you did not accurately provide a summary overview for the diagram. The summary overview needs to contain the following information:

1. The type of figure provided. In this case, it was a diagram. Good work on identifying that.
2. The purpose of the diagram. You said it was to discuss soil erosion. That is correct. You failed to mention that it was for the erosion of a headland. This created an incomplete presentation of information for the purpose of the diagram.

3. There are 4 stages that caused the erosion process. Another correct piece of information. This shows that you have an analytical mindset that can be developed to your benefit before the actual test.

4. The instructions asked you to select and report on the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You did not mention that in your summary. Incomplete information was given and no clear discussion outline was create for the essay due to the missing information. Points will be deducted from your TA score.

Sea water is not a natural process, that is an element of nature. Sea water hitting the rocks is a natural process. That is what you should have said instead. You cannot start an academic sentence with "because" due to the word being a connecting word. It doesn't connect any idea in a sentence when it is placed at the beginning so you will lose GRA points for this grammatical error.

In terms of your cohesiveness and coherence, this essay lacks in so many aspects of grammar development that it will be next to impossible for you to get an sort of passing score in the LR, C&C, and GRA section. Those sections are scored simultaneously so if you are weak in one aspect, it is automatic that all the remaining sections will also be weak. In this instance, the lack of discussion clarity in all of your paragraphs immensely affected your C&C score, this problem dragged down the other 2 sections as well.

Heru, I am sad to say that this essay is not good at all. However, since this is your first essay, you should not allow these comments to affect you. Instead, use these as your inspiration to do better in the next tests. This first essay allowed me to assess your writing abilities and I can see the potential in you to do very well in this test. The problem that you are facing now has to do more with grammar development than analytical thinking. Please try to do more grammar building exercises during your spare time so that you can begin to improve in this weak section of your writing skills.


Home / Writing Feedback / Diagram process of headland erosion (IELTS writing task 1)