Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6

IELTS writing task 1 - Diagram - real exam question in Oct 2012


YanSun 4 / 7 3  
Dec 16, 2012   #1
Hello friends!

I really need to pass the coming exam.
It would be great if you could check my writing~

Thank you so much!~

Question: The climograph below shows average monthly temperatures and rainfall in the city of Kolkata.

The graph below demonstrates and compares monthly temperatures and rainfall on average in the center of Kolkata.

Temperatures (shown as dot line) increase sharply from average temperature of 20 degrees in January to average temperature of 30 degrees in May. The temperature peak in May and then goes down gradually back to 20 degrees from May to December.

There is a similar trend for the average monthly rainfall. which the The figures goes up from January to the middle of the year and then goes down to the original level in January. The amount of rainfall is less than 30mm in January and it increases dramatically during January and July. The precipitation peaks at over 300mm in July and decreases thenthereafter.

It is worth mentioned that the majority of the rainfall lies in autumn (between June and September), while temperatures peak in summer (between May and July) and remain high during autumn.


  • Source: http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2012/11/ielts-writing-task-1

flyfreesophie 2 / 5 1  
Dec 16, 2012   #2
First of all, the number of word is 152, just meet the demand. So I would say you should write more for a higher score.

Temperatures (shown as dot line) increase sharply from average temperature of 20 degrees in January to average temperature of 30 degrees in May.

I wouldn't say "sharply" here. And it is obvious there is a changing trend at the point of October. I guess you can add it .
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 16, 2012   #3
he graph below demonstrates and compares monthly temperatures and rainfall on average in the center of Kolkata.

The graph below illustrates a comparison of monthly averages of temperature and rainfall in the city of Kolkata.

Temperatures (shown as dot line) increase sharply from average temperature of 20 degrees in January to average temperature of 30 degrees in May.

Temperatures that shown in dotted line increase sharply from average 20 degrees Celsius to 30 degrees during the period from January to May.

The temperature peak in May and then goes down gradually back to 20 degrees from May to December.

The highest temperature is recorded in the month of May. Then a gradual decline can be noted until the month of December which records an average temperature of 20 degrees Celsius.
OP YanSun 4 / 7 3  
Dec 16, 2012   #4
I wouldn't say "sharply" here. And it is obvious there is a changing trend at the point of October. I guess you can add it .

Thanks for you comments and i am re-writing it:

Temperatures (shown as dot line) increase moderately from average temperature of 20 degrees to 30 degrees between the months of January and May . The temperature peak in May and stay roughly the same for the next four months . It then drop steeply back to 20 degrees from October to December.

Is it better now?
colin 23 / 48 15  
Dec 16, 2012   #5
It is worth mentioned that the majority of the rainfall lies in autumn (between June and September), while temperatures peak in summer (between May and July) and remain high during autumn.

==>>It is worth mentioned that the heaviest rainfall occur in autumn (between June and September), while temperatures peak in summer (between May and July) with continuing a high Celsius Degree during the autumn.
flyfreesophie 2 / 5 1  
Dec 16, 2012   #6
Excellent!

Actually, your writing skills are quite good and I even envy you for this. Keep fighting!


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1 - Diagram - real exam question in Oct 2012