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IELTS TASK 1 - The diagram reveals how to use an automatic photo booth

madmoiselle 21 / 32 5  
Jul 17, 2016   #1
The diagram reveals how to use an automatic photo booth. Overall, there are six steps to use this tool.

At first, people should enter a coin in side of the booth. The following step is choosing the size of photo, such as 1 large format or passport-sized. Then, they are supposed to pick out whether they want colour photos or black and white photos. However, for the passport photo sized, it is only available in colour.

After that, people enter through the booth and sit in the adjustable stool. They should pay attention to eye level that must close to the screen when taking photos. Therefore before taking picture, people can see their face at the mirror to adjust their appearance. The picture will be taken if the light single flash has appeared after seconds thereby they should wait for it first. Then, after taking picture, the photos will be delivered within 60 second to the side of booth.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 17, 2016   #2
Rere, complete the way that you present the information in the overview / introduction of your essay. You accidentally created only two sentences in what was otherwise a very strong start to your essay. Your mistake was compressing the information into the two sentences you presented. Format your opening statement into at least three sentences this way:

The diagram reveals... (1st sentence)
This includes the explanation for several essential parts of automatic photo booth. (2nd sentence)
Overall, there are six steps.... (3rd sentence)

You need to remember that each paragraph of your essay needs to have at least 3 sentences in each before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system. Hopefully, you can gain some improvements in the next practice by considering my feedback. Good luck for that :)
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jul 18, 2016   #3
Hi Rere, here's my take on your analysis.

- At firstFirst , people
- should enterplace a coin
- in sidethe coin slot of the booth.
- Thenfollowing step is choosing
- choose the size of the photo,

- After that, peopleThe person then
- entersthrough the booth and
- and sit atto eye level that
- must close to the screen when taking photos.
- Therefore beforeBefore taking picture,
- people canare advised to see their face
- atin the mirror to
- light single light flash has
- appeared, after seconds thereby they should wait for it firstyour photo will be taken .
- Then, after taking picture, theThe photos

There you have it Rere, I hope the above remarks help you in revising the analysis. For future writing reference, mind the input of your words, sometimes, they are the right choice of words but are placed in the wrong side of the sentence and this can affect the overall meaning of the sentence itself.
OP madmoiselle 21 / 32 5  
Jul 20, 2016   #4
Thank you Ivy and Ichan for your corrections and suggestions :)
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jul 20, 2016   #5
No worries at all Rere, we will be here to assist yo with anything you need. We want you to be able to build that confidence in your writing and make sure that you are able to come up with stronger and more credible essay.

Moreover, as practice is our best ally, practice everyday or as much as you can, with the goal of not just perfecting the craft but also having that pride that this is your writing, your own work, your idea and your thoughts that will hopefully be read and be heard by many that will move people. Also, it will help if you note your progress and practice proof reading, this way you will have the first look of your essay and correct it as well.

For further reference, mind the difference between the essay and the analysis that you write, though they have a common denominator which is to tell and state the truth, specially with analysis writing, make sure that the sentences are straight from the graph or diagram provided, better practice would be, understanding the graph first before writing the analysis, when you understand it, it will be easy breezy to write the analysis. Keep writing.

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