Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 3

[IELTS Writing task 1] Diagram: Transformation of a university campus

bumblebee123 1 / 2  
Dec 29, 2020   #1

university campus in 2010 and now

The maps show improvements that have been made to a university campus between 2010 and the present day.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant:

The diagrams illustrates the development of a university campus since 2010 until now.
Overall, the university has gone through a dramatic change in form of appearance. It provides more facilities than in the past and also extends the accommodation for students. There are also a new road that appear in the south-east.

The lawn & seating around the lake in the center was removed. Likewise, they cut out the south-east restaurant. Besides, the shops next to this restaurant was replaced with a student accommodation. Meanwhile, the south-west student residence in 2010 was converted into student facilities such as shops, offices, etc...

A new student residence was built right on the site next to the old west student accommodation building. Moreover, there used to be university offices in north, but now they turn into a science building. Last but not least, teaching block which included arts and science was redesigned as a new arts building.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,132 3267  
Dec 30, 2020   #2
How many diagrams? Be specific, the comparisons could be based on several diagrams. The reader needs the specifics. So 2 diagrams compare the set up for the campus based on what? It is not from 2010 until now. Rather, it is a comparison of 2 diagrams based on images from 2010 and the current year. The phrase "until now" would refer to a continuous set of images that show consistent changes from 2010 leading up to the present time. This is an incorrect information reference that could reduce the accuracy score of your report.

You are not fully utilizing your ability to make a clear data report. You only wrote 153 words which, though over the minimum requirement, limited your ability to get better C&C and GRA scores. Simply completing the basics of the task are not enough. Try to write more about the images, without using non-academic writing techniques (etc. and the use of ellipses) which would lower your GRA score. You are relying only on 2 sentence representations when it is the minimum 3 sentence presentation that will allow you to get a better overall score.
OP bumblebee123 1 / 2  
Jan 6, 2021   #3
Thank you so much Holt! I'll keep practicing based on your advices.

Home / Writing Feedback / [IELTS Writing task 1] Diagram: Transformation of a university campus