Diagrams illustrate some proposed changes to the layout of a health centre from 2005 to present time

Plan A below shows a health centre in 2005, plan B shows the same place now.

The provided diagrams illustrate some proposed changes to the layout of a health centre from 2005 to today's times.
It is apparent that principal development was carried out on serveral rooms of the floor space. Various other changes with regard to parking lot and garden also accompanied the construction of this place.

In 2005, clients entered the building through the door located in the centre of the front side. Nevertheless, the entrance was then relocated on the left side of the building, so customers can walk straight away to the reception desk and children's play area rather than passing through serverals rooms in 2005. As can be seen from the present map, lying on the centre of the floor is a large vacancy surrounded by 7 rooms instead of 5 thanks to new construction of CR4 and minor operations at the top left-hand corner of the health centre.

In terms of outdoors area, the car parking in renovated health centre is over twice as large as it used to be since it occupies the left-hand path which was for garden zone in 2005. In stark contrast, vacancy for garden has shrinked to be small place behind the building and in right-hand path.

Please feel free to leave comments on my writing task 1 so as that I can improve my skill. Thank you so much!

• 
  
  

Here are some comments for you:
- severals rooms
- so (informal) - thus (formal)
- outdoors area

Be more specific. Don't just indicate provided diagrams. You need to use the designations from the original image. So differentiate by saying that Diagram A covers a specific time frame and Diagram B illustrates another time reference. That way you cover the proper presentations in the summary overview.

Your second paragraph lacks clarity due to your inability to use proper time reference points to indicate when changes took place. For example, "In 2005, the clients entered... Nevertheless However, the door is currently located ( to indicate present day) ..." The third paragraph is a run-on presentation. The first sentence could have been separated into at least 3 sections / sentences which would have added to the clarity of the paragraph presentation. You have to make sure that you do not rush the presentation. Always aim for clarity. Keep it short so that you can retain the clarity of the sentence presentation.

There are 3 error areas in this presentation namely, spelling and coherence and cohesiveness, Please take the time to spell check yourself before you consider an essay complete. Check and correct as many errors as you can spot to lower your error percentage in the scoring brackets.