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Essay about dicussing 2 ways (Building subway and building more wider road) to ruduce traffic jams

Duong Dung 1 / 1  
Nov 13, 2017   #1

solutions for traffic jams issue

It is true that traffic jams bring many negative influences on our life today. Many people believe that authorities should use money for expanding and improving road in order to alleviate traffic congestion while others suppose it is better choice to spend the fund on building rail and subway network. In my view, I agree that, train and subway network plays a significant role in lessening traffic congestion for a long-term solution.

On one hand, there are many reasons why government should invest money on building new roads to reduce the traffic jams issue. Firstly, it is easy for drivers to commute smoothly in roads which have multiple lanes. This could be because multi - lanes roads are able to cope with growing number of cars on road which existing road can not deal with. In addition, there are an increasing rapidly number of people living in inner - city. This leads to more individual cars are used on roads; therefore, building more and wider road is really necessary to tackle with the volume of traffic.

On the other hands, constructing rail and subway network is considered as a long-term solution to reduce congestion due to some reasons. First and foremost, train and subway are capable of transporting not only hundreds of passengers simultaneously to reach their destination but also are likely to carry tons of things. It is obvious that without using hundreds private vehicles on the city, the road will be relieved the pressure on it. Furthermore, Trains and Subway have their own road. Thus, people can save a great amount of time instead of waiting time in the intersection and red light. In short, people are encouraged to used train in order to save time, money, and safer and the like.

In conclusion, although traffic congestion can be addressed in certain level by building and improving road it seems to me that constructing rail and subway have a vital role to play in minimizing traffic jams for a long-term solution.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,895 2171  
Nov 13, 2017   #2
Duong, since this essay is obviously for an English exam, I believe this is for an IELTS exam right? You need to provide the full original prompt that you were given for this essay development in order to receive an accurate and relevant review of your work. The essay test is geared more towards making sure that you are not only able to express yourself in English, but that you also understood the instructions you were given for the discussion. Therefore, you need to share the original instructions with us in order to receive a qualified assessment of your work.

Based upon the discussion that you presented in the body of the essay, it seems that you are being asked to discuss both points of view and then provide your own opinion. However your opening paraphrase does not indicate that. Which means that you did not accurately represent the prompt requirements in the paraphrase, this will lead to a reduced TA score on your part.

While the discussion you provided may be on the mark in terms of discussion requirements, I can't be sure because you forgot to give us a copy of the original discussion instruction, that doesn't erase the mistake that you made in the representation of your personal opinion. It is important that you allot the 3rd discussion paragraph for your personal opinion discussion. That is because you need to make sure that you fully explain and provide supporting evidence for the side of the discussion that you support.

One major weakness of your essay is that you try to discuss more than one topic per paragraph. In order to fully qualify the paragraph as fully developed, you must present only one topic for discussion with 2 sentences for supporting evidence and one example (if required or necessary). What you have right now are slightly developed paragraphs because you only present ideas, not fully developed discussion presentations.

Please remember to provide the complete prompt when you post your next essay. It is something I need to read if I am to assist you in developing your writing skills in a proper manner. I look forward to reading your next essay.
OP Duong Dung 1 / 1  
Nov 13, 2017   #3
Dear Contributor,
Thank you for your advice
Yes, this essay is for tast 2 in ielts exam. Below is the dicussion instruction please take a look.

Some people believe government should spend money on building train and subway to reduce traffic congesstion. Others think that building more and wider road is the better way to reduce traffic congestion. Disscuss both views and give your opinion

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