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TED (What we can do to die well)


Naoki28 10 / 18 2  
Aug 26, 2016   #1
Timothy Ihrig says that the American way of life faces the threat which is health expenditures. The expenditures occupy 15 percent of the GDP in the United States of America, but health care system is located 37th within 50 countries and other nations rank higher than this country as far as quality and value. He suggests improving patient experience, the population health and decreasing per capita expenditure across a continuum. In another view, palliative medicine enables us to live as human beings and change for the better.

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Aug 26, 2016   #2
Hi Naoki.
Welcome to Essay Forum.
Let me help you to finalize this. make you sure that you meet notes below.


Timothy Ihrig says SAID (this happens in the past, (...) faces the threat which is ABOUT health expenditures.
... in the United States of America, but A health care system is located ...
He suggests SUGGESTED improving A patient experience, ...

Please, you don't forget to include the link to your TED's address, so the other can give feedback entirely.
I am looking forward to reading the next summary.

Good luck.
rosadesiana 38 / 40 2  
Aug 26, 2016   #3
hi i am trying to chech your post, hope it will be useful :D

Timothy Ihrig says that the American way of life ...
===> to make a good sentence, you need to use appositive.
eg. Timothy Ihrig, the speaker of TED talk video, the American way of life faces the threat which is health expenditures.

the American way of life faces the threat ...
===> the life style of American

health care system is located 37th
===> health care system is located at 37th

but health care system is located 37th within 50 countries ...
maybe what you try to say is :
===>the American health care system was ranked 37 out of 50 countries where the other country takes the higher place.

good luck !! :)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Aug 26, 2016   #4
Hi Naoki, below are further suggestions to your summary.

- but the health care system
- is locatedat 37th
- rank higher than this country as far
- as it's quality and value is concerned .
- He suggests improving a patient's experience,
- the population health of the population
- andis decreasing per capita

There you have it Naoki, I hope the above remarks are helpful.
Overall, your essay is very brief, as it is a summary, of course. However, for future writing reference, mind the overall construction of the sentence, keep it strong all through out the essay and create a streamline of ideas as well as focus towards the goal of the writing project.
ibal28 20 / 30 5  
Aug 27, 2016   #5
Hi Naoki, I'd like to suggest you additional correction.

The expenditures occupy 15 percent of the ...
====>The authority in the USA allocates 15 percent budget of total GDP in health expenditure.
but health care system is located 37th...
====> but the health care system is located at 37th...
He suggests improving patient experience, the ...
====> He suggested to improve a patient experience, the health of the population and reduce per-capita income across a continuum.

Good luck.

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