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Dieting can change a person's life for the better or ruin one's health completely.


Suzy Naguib 2 / 2  
Apr 14, 2013   #1
I am preparing for my IELTS test, so I hope some one can help me and review this essay. This is my first time to use the Essay Forum.

Thank you
Suzy Naguib

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Dieting can change a person's life for the better or ruin one's health completely. What is your opinion?

Everything has two sides, and diet is not an exception. It can replace your old boring life to a whole new healthy one, or destroy your health forever.

Obesity affects badly the bones and the muscles and causes difficulty in movement. It is also very harmful on a man's heart as the more fat you have, the more load this will be on your heart. Good moderate diet helps fat people lose the excess weight and get rid of obesity forever. Practicing more exercise and eating healthy food helps in burning unwanted fat; as a result a person can lose weight and do more effort. As for girls, they feel more self-confident as they are able to wear small sized garments thanks to diet.

On the other hand, going on a hard diet for a very long period and losing more than the normal weight, will harm the health. Some people exaggerate when going on a diet; they even stop themselves from eating any food containing fat, which may lead to their skin dryness, as well as affecting the kidney and the other body parts badly. It also leads to general weakness in the body because of losing the important vitamins and minerals that are essential for the body, during the diet. Therefore a person will not be able to do any effort and may get ill as a result of this severe diet.

In conclusion, I think that a moderate diet that includes sports in addition to healthy food will definitely help the person to lose weight within the normal standards. Eating all the food kinds with moderate amounts, will provide the person with a good health and prevent him from being weak or ill.

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dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 14, 2013   #2
Everything has two sides, and diet is not an exception.

... the word "diet" is too general and has a broader meaning. This is my suggestion for this line;
Everything has two sides and maintaining a shapely figure by controlling one's diet is not an exception. .... here it sounds more specific :)
It's a good introduction.

Obesity affects badly the bones and the muscles and causes difficulty in movement. It is also very harmful on a man's heart as the more fat you have, the more load this will be on your heart. Good moderate diet helps fat people lose the excess weight and get rid of obesity forever. Practicing more exercise and eating healthy food helps in burning unwanted fat; as a result a person can lose weight and do more effort.

.... This is all true, but where is the response to your topic? You need to have more emphasis on how dieting would make a person's life better. Remember to give reasons for your opinion on the argument in your body paras. After giving the reason, you need to back it up with an example.
OP Suzy Naguib 2 / 2  
Apr 14, 2013   #3
Thank you so much Dumi for your feedback. Do you have any more comments on the grammar or spelling or essay structure. And if you can give me a band score on this essay, how much would you give me?

Thank you again
Suzy
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 14, 2013   #4
Do you have any more comments on the grammar or spelling or essay structure.

I would strongly suggest you to follow the four para structure for this task. That's the best way to come up with a good essay without taking any risk with managing time.


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