Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


The difference of consumption between chicken beef lamb and fish in a European country


cherry_amour 1 / 1  
Oct 22, 2017   #1

eating chicken vs beef



The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The graph compares the difference of consumption among chicken beef lamb and fish in a European country between 1979 and 2004.
According to the graph,in 1979 the consumption of beef was almost 230 grams per person per week,which was the highest among the four kinds of meat.In the meantime, the consumption of chicken and lamb were almost the same with each other in 1979(approximately 150 grams per person per week).The consumption of fish was the lowest which was probably 60 grams per person per week.

The consumption of fish barely changed during the twenty-five years,while the consumption of chicken has rose sharply to 250 grams per person per week in 2004.The consumption of beef and lamb dropped significant to 100 and 70 grams per person per week respectively in 2004.

We can also see from the graph that before 1990 the consumption of beef was higher than chicken.After 1990 the situation had changed.Moreover,in 1990 the consumption of lamb was dropped to 60 grams,almost as low as the consumption of fish.

In conclusion,people in the European country enjoyed eating chicken and beef between 1979 to 2004.



Mara 1 / 6  
Oct 22, 2017   #2
Hi Jessie!
here I found some mistake
...while the consumption of chicken has rose had risen...
and here (this is not a mistake) "The consumption of beef and lamb dropped significant to 100 and 70 grams per person per week respectively in 2004" I think there is no need of repeating the year "2004", because you told it just in previous sentence.
OP cherry_amour 1 / 1  
Oct 23, 2017   #3
I really appreciate the help.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Oct 23, 2017   #4
Hi Jessie. Listen, there is actually a proper format to be followed for the opening presentation of a Task 1 essay. You don't normally jump into the analytical discussion right off the bat. There has to be a basis for the discussion presentation. You need an outline for the reader to use as a guide. The suggestion, and this is something you can choose to follow or not, is that you write the first paragraph this way:

1. Present the topic for discussion
2. Present the measurement unit used
3. Indicate the inclusive years or other related information in terms of information gathering
4. Present the trend (if required or possible)
5. Present the discussion instruction as the thesis statement.

Now, while the concluding statement is an optional part of the Task1 essay, a complete paragraph presentation is a requirement for each discussion presentation. That means, your presentation is short on the number of required sentences. Try to present at least 3 sentences per paragraph. Don't use connected thought presentations as that lessens your ability to show off your sentence development skills.

Your analysis will also be better appreciated if you take the time to write more information in the essay. Look for cross reference points and similarities in the chart for your presentation. Be intricate. That results in a better and more complete presentation. There were times in this graph when chicken and beef crossed each other in the graph, that meant there was a point when the consumption was equal. That was not presented in the paper. Therefore, your comparison portion of the essay is not completely represented.


Home / Writing Feedback / The difference of consumption between chicken beef lamb and fish in a European country
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳