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There is a different approach on how the organization gives promotion to their employees.

nuradiapuspa 11 / 25  
Oct 15, 2018   #1
TOEFL iBT Task 2:
In some organization, promotions are based on seniority, while in other organizations, promotions are based on performance. Discuss the advantages of each position. Then indicate which position you think is the best and why.


Promotion in Organization

There is a different approach on how the organization gives promotion to their employees. Some organizations determine based on seniority, while others prefer on performance. Each of these approaches have their own advantages and in my opinion, the best position depends on the organization's characters.

In seniority approach, the organization will assess the employees based on experience and period that they have served for the organization. Those will bring some advantages to the organization since the employees will be motivated to give their best role in longer time. For example, the public servant will be promoted when they have reached some years of their works. Therefore, they will stay in the institution to get a promotion until they are retired. Despite, this kind of organization should anticipate if their employees are lack of motivation since they are not to be competitive enough with others.

A little bit different with the seniority way, performance-based promotion will create a competitive atmosphere in the organization. This kind of situation will definitely drive the organization to an innovative, progressive, and fast-growing institution. The employees might be motivated to show their best efforts to the organization. The example of this organization is profit-sectors, such as private organizations. Since the employee will also seek for the competitive salary too, they will always look for the demanding wages from other organization. The institution should be aware about this issue and wise in giving compensation for their workers.

In my opinion, to decide the best approach in promoting the employees in workplaces is by knowing the character of the organization. It is totally depends on the organization's needs. If the organization has a regular target and needs the experienced employees, then the seniority way might be the best to give promotion. However, when the organization needs for the profit and compete with others, hence the performance-based could be the best way to be applied.

Word Count: 317
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,013 4242  
Oct 16, 2018   #2
Hi Nuradia, you have written an essay that can possible gain a score of 3 in an actual test setting. The main problem with your presentation is that your sentences are not well developed structurally and your presentations often provide confusion in terms of meaning to the reader. Let me show you some sample problem sentences with corresponding corrections below:

- ... the best position depends on the organization's characters.
An organization will never promote on the basis of character although that is one of the promotion considerations when looking at a candidate. However, you are using the term in the wrong manner in this sentence because character depicts the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. A company will more likely promote from the ranks based on the needs of the company. That means, the company will promote the person who performs best in the field that the company requires improvement upon. This error shows vocabulary problems on your part. You got the meaning of the word wrong although the reader can guess what you were trying to say.

- Despite, this kind of organization ...
Despite what? Despite means without being affected by; in spite of. You cannot use despite as you did in this sentence because the word, without a follow up explanation means nothing. This left the sentence without a proper structure and subject.

- by knowing the character of the organization
Again, it is more proper to use the word "needs".

It is totally depends on the organization's needs.
- Finally! You used the right term to explain what you meant. Good job!
OP nuradiapuspa 11 / 25  
Oct 16, 2018   #3
Thank you @Holt!
I always learn something valuable from your comments. Hopefully I can improve my score in the next essay.

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