Ielts essay about transportation task 2
Topic: " Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads - To what extent do you agree or disagree?"
It is widely accepted that transportation plays a vital role in the development of a nation. Different governments have different approaches when it comes to investing in building transport facility. Some people may think that it would be better to spend national funding on railroads than on the streets, as they are more essential. While I agree that it is necessary to focus more on railways, I believe that governments should also pay some attention to roads as well.
On the one hand, I think that railways are necessary to develop a country sustainably, especially electrical railroads. As they use less emissive energy and can carry a large number of people at a time, it can reduce the amount of pollution emitted into the air, and hence, save the environment. For instance, in Singapore, which is one of the top 10 cleanest capital cities in the world, 60% of its citizen uses the electric subway every day and the number of private vehicles is reduced as much as possible. Moreover, railways need only one-fourth of the space needed to build an average road, which means more houses, buildings, and even tree parks can be built.
On the other hand, I believe that building roads is no less important, although less concern is needed to be paid. Even when the railway system is huge, it is still impossible to reach every corner of the city. Since roads are smaller and are easier to build, more people choose them for short routes. Additionally, roads are still needed as most products are transported in this way, including agricultural products and industrial products.
To sum up, it is important to develop both kinds of transportation because of their own superiorities. However, railways should be prioritized in major cities because of its advantages, including saving the environment and the fewer space needed.
Hello, i have some comments and hope that it's useful to you
In my opinion, i see that your introduction is quite long and maybe, it's unnecessary that you can focus more on the body.
In the second paragraph, you give points, examples in a persuaded way but when i read the next paragraph, it's seemed like a shortfall.
I suggest you should give an detailed example in a certain place to illustrate that using railways are not always convenient
For example, in developing countries as Vietnam, there are many places that have not enough eligible roads for citizens...
Your grammar and word usage are quite proper. However, there are some points that I found in your essay is inappropriate.
1/ You don't need the first two sentences in your introduction paragraph since it makes your essay is too long (over 300 words), and it doesn't add any ideas.
2/ This is an opinion essay, "Do you agree or not when...". Your answer is a discussion essay when you discuss both sides of the point of view, which failed you in answering the question correctly.
3/ I think you should have stated an example in both the body paragraph, not just the first one.