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IELTS: TASK 2 - different attempts on introduction writing

Tobi 6 / 10 1  
Aug 5, 2013   #1
For readers, please comment on the style and word choice, and particulary - is an introduction concise?

[Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree?]
1st option
Some people consider computer technology in everyday use by children to be detrimental. However, I disagree that the constant use of computers makes more harm than good.

2nd option
It is apparent today that the number of children becoming active computer users is constantly increasing. Although, some people say it is detrimental for children, I believe that the everyday use of a computer is more of benefit than harm.

*** Which one did you personally like?
[Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.]

Now, it is common knowledge that popular sportsmen earn higher wages in comparison with many other professionals. While both sides of the question are equally arguable, I believe that this situation should be changed in certain ways.

[In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.]

Many youngsters, acting on advice, now are taking a year of travel or work in a period between leaving high school and going to university. This essay will discuss both negative and positive effects on those young people who prefer this variant.

[Public transportation is a great way to travel, particularly within a metropolis. The metro is the most convenient way to get around the city. Do you agree or disagree?]

Today, with the development of public transport, many people opt for the metro to travel. I agree that the metro is the right choice for comfortably getting around the city.

[Violence among young people has increased dramatically over the past 50 years. This rise moves in tandem with the growth in violent media. Thus, the conclusion can be drawn that violent media is the main cause of violence among young people. Do you agree or disagree?]

Over the last half century, the violence rate among youngsters has grown substantially. Although it is true that this increase was simultaneous with the growth in violent media, I believe that violent media is not the main reason of violence amongst the youth.

[Increasingly, the western world has been outsourcing its labour-related jobs to cheaper alternatives available in less-developed countries. Although this creates opportunities for people in poorer nations, it is a policy that is criticized by many in the west. Write an essay response supporting the case for the outsourcing of labour related jobs.]

In the western world, for many years, it is has been a common economical approach to prefer inexpensive alternatives from less-developed countries for labour-related jobs. Although this method comes under criticism, I believe that employing foreign labourers is justified.

[Some businesses now say that no one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree?]

Recently, some companies have zoned their offices for no-smoking, while many states have prohibited smoking in all public places. However, I do not think it is a feasible solution to ban smoking in specific community areas.
silknguyen 2 / 5 2  
Aug 5, 2013   #2
I n the first topic, I think that It is ok for both options, because the question is do you agree or disagree; therefore, you can select which one you want to follow. However, if you choose any one, you need to protect your choice by giving both negative and positive points but talking more with ones you choose.

In second topic, it is typical types of IELTS, it is mixed so you need to do two things
+ first: you give your opinion in introduction, personally
+ second: you discuss both sides in two paragraphs in main body. However, remember... choose which you personally agree to make it more clear than other.

With other topics, it iis optional so you can choose what you want

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