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Different choices - Working in group or Working independently ?


anhducht_o0o 2 / 2  
Feb 18, 2011   #1
Hi everyone, I'm Pham Anh Duc, i'm from Viet Nam. This is the first time i write an essay, So mistakes are unavoidable. On comments and advice are welcome :D !

Is it more important to be able to work in group or to work independently? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Depending on different experience, personal characters, working enviroments, people have different choices of whether working independently or working in group is more important. In my point of view, working in group is more important than the other. The reasons supporting my opinion are listed as follows.

Firstly, working in group has obvious advantage that works will be easier and faster. Because a person's knowledge and ability are limited, it could be hard for us to deal with difficult problems without others' help. As a proverb says "Two heads are better than one". When working with others, we can exchange our own ideas and choose the best idea. It does not only make us learn more things from others but also encourage us to try more. Therefore, we can save time at works and works will be more efficient.

Beside, I believe that work in group makes us avoid being stress and boring. If we have to deal with so many problems, we will be tired and can not have time to enjoy other activities with friends or family. Thus, people choose to work together to share works and reduce pressure at works. So, we will feel happier and more comfortable.

In a competitive society, I think working in group is a good opportunity to improve commnication skill. The more people you work with, the more friends you could make. It creates a comfortable working enviroment in which you do not have to compete with others all time. If people feel happy to work with you, it is easy for you to work and promote.

To conclude, it is of great help for you to do group work rather than individual one. This is because working in group does offer you a chance to speed up your work, be comfortable at work and get your communication skill improved. Therefore, get others to work with you unless you want to confront pressure, inefficient work and undesired communication skill.

KathyLala 20 / 116  
Feb 18, 2011   #2
I don't see any serious errors, but I have some minor changes if you want to take a look

=>Therefore, we can save time at works and our tasks will be more efficient. (Since you just have "work", so I change to "task", for not sound repeating)

=>It does not only make us learn more things from others but also encourage us to try harder (same with this, since you have two "more")

=>If we have to deal with so many problems (you can change with "...with multiple problems...)

=>Besides,... (beside is a prep, but besides is an adverb)

=>Besides, working in group makes us avoid being stress and boring (I delete "I think" because you have those expressions throughout your essay "In my point of view", "I think", "I believe". It is ok to have one or two, but not so many, after all we know the essay is yours

=>commnication skills (I will choose plural for skills)

=> it is of great help for you to do group work rather than individual one (I would change this a little because I think "of" is not in its position=> Working in a team contributes a great help rather than...

In general, you're working well on your grammar part, but I think you can develop more on second para. Your topic sentence is "I believe that work in group makes us avoid being stress and boring", you can give example to show this idea. I also feel that you are not giving enough information for "good opportunity to improve commnication skill".
OP anhducht_o0o 2 / 2  
Feb 18, 2011   #3
Thanks for your contributive and helpful comments.
EF_Susan - / 2,365 12  
Feb 26, 2011   #4
comma: As a proverb says, "Two heads are better than one."

In this kind of sentence, it is better to just do this:
In my point of view, working in group is more important.---The reader will know what you mean because of the previous sentence.

reasons supporting my opinion are listed as follows.---Good, but you should add one more sentence to the end of the first paragraph, and let it be a sentence that expresses the main idea for the whole essay. Pretend you can only write one sentence instead of a whole essay. Try to sum up the main reason, and let it be like the whole essay is concentrated into one sentence. That is the thesis sentence, and you should add it to the end of the first paragraph.

:-)


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