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The different condition of American town in 1948 and 1950


koganta 1 / -  
Mar 27, 2017   #1

Part of history of an American town



The map gives us the information about the different condition American town in 1948 and 2010. It can be seen, that almost the entire town had been changed so far, just a little area that still on the same condition over decades.

There was a major shift in the northeastern of the town. Overall the area was not like it used to be. The number of factories had disappeared and turned into a commercial building and the airport. In the near of eastern area, the big field opposite right to the petrol station had taken over by the supermarket. In the western side, local supermarket and residential house were became commercial buildings.

In the eastern side, the residential house remained on the same condition and there was not changed of amount at all. For the southwestern side, the major transformation that could see in the future was a church shifted with the sport stadium.

zeal 5 / 14 8  
Mar 27, 2017   #2
hello koganta, in the task, there is no concluding paragraph and few grammar mistakes are noted. It would be better if the given map is attached along with the answer.

{The map gives us the information about the different condition ...} It should be rephrased.
{It can be seen, that almost the entire town had been ...} I think it is better to be placed in the concluding para

{Overall the area was not like it used to be.} This opinion sentence should not be written in the body para, rather should also be in the concluding para.

{... right to the petrol station had taken over by the supermarket.} passive ovice - had been taken over by

{In the western side, local supermarket and residential house were became commercial buildings.} became

{there was not changed of amount at all.} no change of

{the major transformation that could see in the future was a church shifted with the sport stadium.} no idea what it means
Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Mar 27, 2017   #3
Antasena, you are required to post the image along with your essay for all your posts so that we can have a comparison point for your summary essay. It would seem though that you were able to summarize the image to a certain extent in the proper manner. However, the 154 word count doesn't help to establish the grammar range and accuracy of your work due to its brevity. For this type of essay, you must aim to write a maximum of 200 words in order to gain a higher score overall. Your paragraphs often fall short of the 3 sentence minimum requirement. This is why your essay seems to not fully inform the reader and offer a more complete analysis of the image your were provided for the essay. Do your best to create comparison points whenever possible and also, add a more personal touch to your writing so that you do not seem like you are merely rattling off the information as indicated. Such efforts will result in a higher GRA score on your part as well as an increased score possibility in the TA section.
agus_mono 13 / 23 2  
Mar 27, 2017   #4
@koganta

Overall the area was not like it used to be {it is redundancy}.
... and turned into a commercial buildings and the airport. In the near of eastern east area, the big field opposite right to of the petrol station ...

In the eastern east side, the residential ...
For the southwestern southwest side, the major transformation ...

*in the first paragraph, you just mention the changing features,. i think it is better if you mention unchanged building because it becomes minor trend and it is interesting to notice.


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