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IELTS writing task 1. Different genres of transport used to commute in a European city.


sillyman2000 19 / 42 9  
Aug 16, 2018   #1
The graph below shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.


The proportion of people and their commuting method



My writing

The bar chart indicates certain types pf transport used to commute in one European city during the 1980-2000 period.

As can be seen clearly from the chart, while there were more people using car, the reverse result was for bus.

The proportion of people utilizing train was approximately 20% in 1960, then there was a noticable growth in the next 20 years to 27%, which followed by a decline to 22% in 2000. The figure for tube made up above 25% at the beginning of the period, later dropped to almost 20% in 1980 and witnessed a recovery to excactly 25% in 2000.

As for car data, it only accounted for under 10% of commuters initially. Twenty years later, there was a dramatic increase to 23%, followed by another sharp rocket to above 35% in 2000. In contrast, bus was the most common transport in 1960 with approximately 40% users, which underwent two rapid downfalls in the following 20 and 40 years, with 26% and 15% respectively.

All feedbacks are going to be held of value by me.




Red Moon 14 / 32 6  
Aug 16, 2018   #2
Hi, thank you for your valuable feedback about my last essay. I'd love to give you some advice on your essay.
First, I think your essay is well-structured, although I think your overview is quite vague and lacks some additional information. You need to mention that over the period, car has changed from the least to the most popular transport and the reverse was true for bus. Or you can say that the number of car commuters experienced an upward trend, while that of bus decreases; the other two didn't change much.

Also, you should try compare the figure more.
For the transitions and vocabulary, I think you uses it the right way and it seems natural for me. However, there are some mistakes that I found:

another sharp rocket
"Rocket" as a verb means " rise extremely quickly", but we don't use it as a noun to describe progress. You should use a more suitable noun. And even as a verb, "rocket" can't use with "sharp", because it would be redundant.

In contrast, bus was the most common transport in 1960 with approximately 40% users, which underwent two rapid downfalls in the following 20 and 40 years, to 26% and 15% respectively.

in the next 20 years
"in" is fine, but I think you should use "for","over" or "during".


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