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IELTS Task II The different of Life Culture in the past and in the modern era


Apsari 7 / 20 1  
Apr 9, 2014   #1
Hello I would like to introduce my self. You can call me Sari. This is my first time in Essay Forum, I hope I can get many feedback from my writing. I would like to continue my Master Degree in abroad so I am preparing for IELTS Test now. I graduated from Indonesia Institute of Art, Yogyakarta. Nice to meet you, guys. :)

In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their life. These days, people often move around. They often live in several different places in their lifetime. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both ?

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In the long time ago, people have a different a life culture like today. The different cultures people love to stay in one place in a whole life but in the modern era people often live in several different places in their life. Actually, it will give the advantages both of such in the past they did not spend much money to move in another house and today, people will meet new people and they will find new experiences. However, the disadvantages in the past was they did not know about the different culture and in this time people live in several different places will give impact to their social relation, they have to follow the new culture.

The advantages of live in the past was they did not spend much money to move in another place. For instance, people need more energy, time and money to bring their stuff in another places and it was tired to do that. So it would be good if they just live in one place. They also often live in several different places which people live in this modern era give advantages such they meet new culture and will get new experience. Like when you have new friends, new culture and new environment that you will learn something new and will not boring.

The disadvantages in the past was they knew about the different culture. It means they never know about outside of their life because they never move from their life so they never tried new experience in their life. They also feel the disadvantages impact of move in several times like in these days are different places will give impact to their social relation, they always follow the new rule in new environment. Especially for kids, they will depress or confused with their new culture because they meet something new and it is not same like before.

To sum up, the advantages to stay in same place are better than always move. Actually for family, they will comfort with their hometown than new place because they do not need to follow new culture in the new place. Like home sweet home, people will come back to their home because they will meet with a happy thing.

niesaysi 16 / 284 83  
Apr 9, 2014   #2
In theL ong time ago, people have had a different a life cultures like today.

The different cultures people love to stay in one place in a whole life but in the modern era people often live in several different places in their life.

With these different cultures, people loved to stay in one place in their whole life, but in today's time people often live in several different places permanently.

Actually, it will give the advantages both of such in the past they did not spend much money to move in another house and today, people will meet new people and they will find new experiences. However, the disadvantages in the past was they did not know about the different culture and in this time people live in several different places will give impact to their social relation, they have to follow the new culture. (Give your own point of view CONCISELY. You may just state that both different ideas have advantages and disadvantages. Then, expound them in your body para.)
OP Apsari 7 / 20 1  
Apr 9, 2014   #3
thank you for your comment in this

niesaysi :
In the Long time ago, people have had a different a life cultures like today.

Actually, it will give the advantages both of such in the past they did not spend much money to move in another house and today, people will meet new people and they will find new experiences. However, the disadvantages in the past was they did not know about the different culture and in this time people live in several different places will give impact to their social relation, they have to follow the new culture. (Give your own point of view CONCISELY. You may just state that both different ideas have advantages and disadvantages. Then, expound them in your body para.)

in your comment above it was my opinion such my experience like what i saw in the real life. So did you mean, i have to write like "in my opinion or in my view" in the first sentence, didn't it ?
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 9, 2014   #4
It means they never know about outside of their life because they never move from their life so they never tried new experience in their life.

This contains too many ideas. Break them down into two sentences

They also often live in several different places which people live in this modern era give advantages such they meet new culture and will get new experience.

I see you put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words. Also, break them down into two sentences.
niesaysi 16 / 284 83  
Apr 10, 2014   #5
in your comment above it was my opinion such my experience like what i saw in the real life. So did you mean, i have to write like "in my opinion or in my view" in the first sentence, didn't it ?

What i mean is that you have to make your opinion concise. In your case, you have expressed your opinions obviously lengthy. Actually, introduction just contains thesis and your opinion ( sometimes, it has a HOOK if you want to make your intro appealing to the readers.) In short, just two or three sentences will do for your intro.
OP Apsari 7 / 20 1  
Apr 10, 2014   #6
Thank you for the solution.. It is my first essay, would you like to give me the word usually use in a period, semi colon, coordinating conjunction, and subordinating conjunction with the some examples ?. So i will get your meaning clearly. Thanks a lot for your time, mizu Eddi.. :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 11, 2014   #7
some examples ?

So sorry, I can't even give you some examples for this. I got something to do for my work :D
No worries, here is the link you can read as to find the discussed points: owl.english.purdue.edu/engagement/2/1/34/

Upppsss, look at this:

In the long time ago...

This is tooo loong

Simply work with the prompt to construct your intro. Here is the prompt:

In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their life. These days, people often move around. They often live in several different places in their lifetime. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both ?

Let me give a try:

Everybody has a dream to live in a convenient place. In the past, some people enjoyed staying in one place with where they have grown up. Nowadays, the needs of better standard of living and educational purposes are some of the reasons why there is human migration. Both views have merits and demerits. However, I believe that gaining citizenship or a job transfer has increased overall numbers in people moving from one to another place.
OP Apsari 7 / 20 1  
Apr 14, 2014   #8
No worries, here is the link you can read as to find the discussed points:

I had read it, mizu. But i'm so happy if you come back to pare as soon as possible.. :D
Because I really really want to learn with you so i come to coupis. But i am not see you :(

But I still want learn with you by email or anything possible. :D


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