Different techniques to encourage children for higher activity. Competitiveness or cooperativeness?

Here is my practice on IELTS task 2 writing.
Hope you guys could give me a little help on it.

Write about the following topic:
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Competitiveness or cooperativeness?

Nowadays, many concern that children should compete each other in someways, while some other suggest that children need to be taught to co-operate. In my point of view, these two ways to educate the young are both important in different situation.

I believe that when children accomplish a task as a a group, they can acquire some abilities of communication, improve the skill of being a leader, and learn to interact with other properly. For example, in class we need to report a presentation in a group. We have to divide the task to a small one, then assign it to each member. In this case, we need to find everyone's specialties and debate when should we have a meeting or a deadline. Everyone should work hard for the group not for itself, and consider the result of one's laziness or arrogance.

On the other hand, it is also very effective method for children to have motivation to improve skills by competition. Though the system of racing with other people, children would have more awareness that "Others are better,so I need to catch up on them." For example,in a basketball team there are only five people who can be on the court. So when you have a chance, you will not just let it go, and if you can not be called, you must will practice harder to improve your skills.

In short, each teaching technique has its reason to make every child more skillful, useful, and even better in their future.

Ho, you once again failed to understand the prompt requirements. You turned a comparison and opinion essay into a purely opinion essay instead. The prompt clearly states that you are to discuss both sides and then give your opinion. The resulting paragraphs would have produced a total of 5 paragraphs. You only have 2 complete paragraphs and two sentence lines. Obviously, you will not pass this exam because of the big mistake in the discussion style. I predict that you will not get higher than a 4 in this instance. You must always double check the prompt requirements before you submit the essay. Make sure that the instructions for the discussion are completely followed. You always neglect to check yourself before submission. If you continue to submit essays without double checking the content and prompt requirements during the practice test, the chances are that you will make the same mistake in the actual test, which would result in you failing the all important test. Do not be careless. Be careful and treat the practice tests like the actual test. There is a reason that it is called a practice test. This allows you to make mistakes that you can learn from in order to improve your weak points before the actual test.

Hi
First, introduce your topic. The introductory paragraph should briefly orient the reader to the topic and provide a conceptual map of the rest of the paper. Your thesis statement is the main point of your paper.

The body section should consist of at least several paragraphs where you will provide support for your thesis statement in the form of reasons, evidence, arguments, justification, and so on.