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Different types of activities in the American senior citizens' leisure time from 1980s to 2010s


kimcat2207 1 / 1  
Jun 14, 2021   #1

[IELTS WRITING] - TASK 1 - LINE GRAPH



The graph illustrates different types of activities in the American senior citizens' leisure time in the period from 1980s to 2010s.
Overall, the elderly in the U.S spent most of their spare time on watching TV and least of that on surfing the Internet.
Starting from 60%, which was the highest compared to other activities in the 1980s, the figure for watching TV rose slightly to 70% in the 2000s before falling to around 65% in the 2010s. Meanwhile, there was only about 5% of the U.S. old surfing the Internet in the first years of the period, followed by a slow increase to over 10% in the 2000s and a dramatic climb to exactly 50% in the next decade.

The proportion of hiking, however, reached a peak of 80% in the 2010s, which started from only 20% in the 1980s. During the period, there were wild fluctuations in the proportion of reading and going to the theater. The former grew to 40% in the next decade, then dropped by half in the 2000s before increasing again to 60% in the 2010s. The latter rapidly fell by 20% in the first ten years of the period, and climbed slowly to around 45% in the rest period.

Hope to receive feedback from you guys. Thank you very much!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,797 4780  
Jun 15, 2021   #2
The essay definitely lacks more comparison discussions and analytical presentations as it fails to meet the necessary 250 word count. At only 206 words written, your essay starts off with a TA failing score based on word deductions.

The essay does not read like you even tried to study the image. The writing is rushed and fails to properly present an academic understanding of the image. You merely scanned and wrote. You failed to properly grasp the importance of the report. This was written without proper consideration of the reading audience.

You did not properly space the paragraphs, making it hard to decipher if this is a 3 or 4 paragraph presentation.

* Limited review due to lack of image upload.
OP kimcat2207 1 / 1  
Jun 18, 2021   #3
Thank you for giving me a feedback. It is really helpful for my improvement. Hope to get more feedback from you in the future!


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