Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?
Writing Task 2, Unit 6C, Page 64
Over the time, some young adults have decided to develop their future career after graduating from a school or a universtiy by becoming an enterpreneur instead of an employee. Although there is a drawback to start up business, I believe that the advantage domintaes the disadvantage.
Some people say that the main disadvantage to create own store is too risky. The enterpreneur has many competitors in the field which sometimes they has better idea to attract more cosumers than the other. For example, based on a recent graph from Local Business Statistical Data in Jakarta, shows that over 65% stores have been surviving to increase consumers, which are more interest to the newest local business that provide convenient places or high qualitiy in products. As a consequence, one by one, the business starts getting bankrupt and being replaced with the newest one. So, this factor has made people hesitate to build their own business.
However, others who have more guts to try new experience, will get more benefits from the business. The main one is getting higher income than another. People who work for a company will have stable income and only increase to a particular amount if they have many experience. Meanwhile, an enterpreneur has earn more money in the earlier age. moreover, they can create a job opportunity to inexperience people who have been rejected by a company. Aslo, they have much more flexible time to gather with another colleague and discuss about new innovation to keep maintaining the business.
Overall, I suggest that the advantage of being an enterpreneur is greater than the disadvantage. Although the risk rate is higher than becoming an employee, they can reach more profit in early stage, help people to find a job, and have more time. (295 words)
... working for a company or organisationorganization (wrong spelling) .
... graduating from a school or a universtiyuniversity (wrong spelling) by becoming an ...
... I believe that the advantage domintaesdominates (wrong spelling) the disadvantage.
The enterpreneurentrepreneur (wrong spelling) has many competitors (...) sometimes they hashave ( you should write have if you use i, you, they,and we) better idea to attract more cosumersconsumers (wrong spelling) than the other.
Meanwhile, an enterpreneur has earn (you should put V3 after has (S+has/have+V3)) more money in ...
AsloAlso , they have much more ...
Dear friend,
You wrote:...competitors in the field which sometimes they has better idea ...
you mean ''they have''?
You wrote: ... another. People who work for a company will have stable income ...
A perfect infinitive is formed with have + past participle. Perhaps you meant ''will have stabled'' or "will be stable"
You wrote: ... experience. Meanwhile, an enterpreneur has earn more ...
Try this instead: ''has earned''.
You wrote: ...ther with another colleague and discuss about new innovation ...
Did you mean simply ''discuss new''? You do not need the word "about" here
1. be careful spelling
universtiy ---------> university
domintaes ---> dominates
enterpreneur----> entrepreneur
cosumers -------> consumers
qualitiy ------> quality
Aslo --------> Also
2. they hashave better idea to attract more con sumers than the other.
(they (plural) need have)
3. ... some young adults have decided to develop their (...) school or a universit y by becoming an ...
4. ... I believe that it has more advantagesthan disadvantages .
Hi, I'm trying to make some comments
1. ... they hashave better idea to attract ...
In present perfect tense'They' is followed by have and for he, she, it, are followed by has for
2. There are some error spelling
enterpreneur ----> entrepreneur
cosumers ----> costumers
qualitiy ----> quality
Aslo ----> Also
3. ... if they have many experienceexperiences ...
many is followed by plural form, so many + experiences
Thank you
