Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.
Discuss both views
earlier money or more education
When they finish school, one of the greatest difficulties faced by teenagers is the issue of whether to earn a living or continute their studies. From my view. I would argue that is better than to become a postgraduated student.
The choice to start work right after high school is appealing for several reasons. Many adolesence would like to start earning money at the earliest. By doing so, they can be more mature and they will not rely on their family as well as start a new life with their lovers. Instead of studying their major, their decision may be progress more quickly. Simultaneously, they will also have the chance to learn practicial skills and gradually get more of pricey experience.
On the other hand, I believe that it is more advantageous for students to continue their education. Firstly, training and studying at university or college create conditions and knowledge for better job search. For instance, an excellent degree are required in many job such as : teacher, doctor, policeman, etc. As a result, those degrees will help you acess to more and better job opportunities, and they will be given a significant salety per month and will be increased over time. Secondly, the job market is increasing considerably potential applicants. Especially, those applicants are sent to big companies. So, young people don't have good qualifications from a university or a college will not able to compete.
For the reasons mentioned aboce, it clearly that students are more likely to conquer their dream job if thet continue their studies beyond school level.
both conditions are crucial for teenagers. whether they decide to make money first or continue their study, actually it is their choice fully. In my point of view, it is better to continue the study first rather than finding a job. there are several reasons such as when you continue your study to the highest level, you will increase your skill and knowledge that will help you to be a qualified job seeker. Also, by continuing your study, you will get an appropriate position in your future job based on your expertise.
[Contributor] - / 135 79
You should be more clear with your language. From the get-go, it was quite unclear which position you wanted to take in as a perspective for your essay. While it became clear in your succeeding paragraphs, it would be better for your essay's structure if you can introduce this concept earlier.
Let's have a look at what you have written. You merely mentioned that"that is better than to become a postgraduate student" whereas you could have already said:
From my perspective, I would argue that it is better to pursue postgraduate degrees.
You should watch out for your usage of particular words. If you look at your second paragraph, you had mentioned that there are many adolescence. This is an incorrect usage of the word adolescence because this noun does not pertain to the people themselves in the stage - rather it only pertains to the stage itself of growth. In the next sentence, the thought process that you had was quite unclear as well. How exactly does earning money make an individual more mature and independent? To what extent does financial independence help an individual grow? If you can tackle these issues, it would help facilitate your essay's thought process.
Regarding your third paragraph, you should expound more on the thoughts that you have for your essay. What I would recommend is that you expound more about what advanced education teaches students. You can potentially discuss what specific skills this teaches people. If you can tackle these ideas, then you would be able to go in-depth as to what truly goes on in this field.
What you can do as well is contextualize your essay. If you can expound your ideas through perhaps focusing on a specific field. You were sporadically mentioning multiple career paths that could potentially be used. But what would be helpful is if you could, for instance, just pay attention to one and curate a story of how this field plays out with advanced studies.
Just work on your content's substantiation - and you'll be fine. Best of luck.