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Dinner makes a difference - summary


bung ilham 14 / 30  
Sep 13, 2016   #1
According to a recent Kaiser Family Foundation study, kids are spending, on average 7.5 hours a day on some form an electronic device and it does not include the time that they are texting. Thus, people may live under one roof, but parents are leading separate lives, in separate rooms, on separate computers, watching separate televisions, and eating separate meals. This leads to no family gathering anymore that could be found. Laurie David told about her experience with her two-teenage daughters. Like young general people, they spent their time by their smartphone. One day, Laurie realized that the ritual of family dinner was truly transforming and producing kids who ate a whole range of good food. The family dinner also provided immediate a safe, predictable, cozy time every day for people to purposely be a family.

(136 words)
Laurie David TEDx Manhattan

source: youtube.com/watch?v=GzB0BDstCI0

Gian16 2 / 6  
Sep 13, 2016   #2
Hi Bung Ilham,
overall you have a good writing, but lemme give some advises for you.
Not include = exclude
This(these) lead to no family gathering anymore that could be found. (Because of the object before)
Iedha01 21 / 40  
Sep 14, 2016   #3
Hi..
Please allow me to help you by giving some suggestions of your writing

Your topic is quite interesting and also became hot issue in our surroundings. In my opinion you tend to compose very simple sentence and simple words so you need to vary your writing skill by mixing simple and complex structure and use advanced vocabularies.

I will give you example

- Thus, people may live under one roof, but parents are leading separate lives...
= Moreover, every single member of family accomplishes various activities even they're in a same house. Dad is enjoying watching TV, Mom is having a good time in chatting on the phone, ....etc


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