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The Disabilities People With The Great Achievements


pokpok16 6 / 9  
Sep 20, 2016   #1
The Disabilities People With The Great Achievements

Many people presumed has perfect body is the main things, whereas it is not the only one things. Some people got the disabilities, they are who has a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities, has a record of such impairment, or is regarded as having such as impairment.

A lot of disabilities people has many achievements, nay more feat than people which has equipped organ-body and mental normally. They should have the same rights as other people, have access to the same jobs as other citizens, should be treated the same as everybody else. Not instead to underestimate them, we do not know how about our future. Feasibility disability people will gain success than us and must be respect each of us.

The instance cases when in the school, during the process of study, the teacher have to support the children which have disability whether they gained the difficulties.

In conclusion discrimination against disabled people are illegal in many countries and the Government should make a ramp and lifts for wheelchairs should be installed in public buildings to help them.

abdasyari93 9 / 19  
Sep 20, 2016   #2
Hello @pokpok16, I got some suggestion for your writing.

Here my advice:

1. Many people presumed has perfect body is the main things , whereas it is not the only one things . >> Many people presumed that having a perfect body is the main thing, whereas it is not the only one thing .

2. A lot of disabilities peoplehas many achievements, >> A lot of disabled peoplehave many achievements,

3. ..... the teacher have to support the children which have disability whether they gained the difficulties. >> ..... the teacher has to support his or her childrenwho have disabilities while they gain the difficulties.
Alamsyah Ismail 24 / 43  
Sep 20, 2016   #3
Hello Pokpok16
i have some advice to you

Many people presumed has perfect body is the main things,
Many people are plurar, you should use have

Many people presumed has (...), whereasit is not the only one things.
Many people are plurar, so you shoud theyA lot of disabilities peoplehas many achievements,
A lot of people are plurar, you should use have

They should have the same rights as other people, have access to the same jobs ...
should be treated the same as everybody else.
you can't use 3 verb without conjunction
Fitri12 28 / 53 6  
Sep 20, 2016   #4
Hi Pokpok! I have a suggestion regarding your writing, as follow:

- Many people presumed has perfect body is the main things, whereas ...
( "the main thing" is similar to "the only one thing", hence you did a repetition. You may also write: many people assume that having a perfect body is everything instead of maintaning a healthy body).
dils 20 / 33 2  
Sep 20, 2016   #5
Hi Arin,

Nice topic, but in case to improve your writing here I give you some suggestions.

1. Many people presumed thathashave a perfect body is the main thingsthing . You may also use "the most important thing" instead of "the main thing".

2. Some people got the disabilities,...
I may suggest this part, "Some people was born with special abilities,.... "

3. As a one sentence, this is quite confusing
" Some people got the disabilities, they are who has a physical or mental impairment ... "
In keeping with this, I suggest you to modify or just simplify this sentence, make sure the idea that you want to tell to the readers, bold the main idea and explain it.

4. ... people hashave many achievements...

5. ... should be treated in the same way as everybody else.

6. Not instead to underestimate them,Without any intention to underestimate them, we do not know how about ourwhat will happen to them in the future.

Over all, you may need to pay attention to the way you composed the sentence in each paragraph.

Good luck.


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