Ad vs disad of a young population - IELTS task 2 essay

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.
Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
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higher proportion of young people in a society

It is now seen that the proportion of young people in the demographics of some nations is considerably higher than that of the elder ones. I believe that this tendency could offer more good than harm owing to the beneficial impacts on a country that a young population can exert.

It is undeniable that a nation with a minority of middle-aged and senior citizens could face certain disadvantages. The most severe one could perhaps be the lack of expertise and wisdom to manage most aspects of the society. Top executive positions in the government and institutions often require extensive and diversified working experiences from job holders to carry out their work efficiently. However, these requirements need a longer working time to hone the capacity of workers and thus usually can only be satisfied by a small group of older professionals. This leads to a paucity of highly-skilled executives and could eventually result in the inefficient management and sluggish development of the national economy. As this shows, the disadvantages triggered by the lack of experienced workforce in most young countries are made clear.

However, despite the above-mentioned drawbacks, I am more persuaded that a young demographic could offer more potential benefits. A great number of young adults usually mean higher productivity and extra room for economic development. Young people have good health and fitness in general and they can work at their peak in much longer time than the elderly, thus they could deliver higher work outcome in many key areas, such as production and research and development. In addition, the youths have much greater consumption demand for a wide range of products and services, which is a paramount impetus to the sustainable development in these areas. As high productivity and great customer demand are deemed to efficiently boost healthy economic growth, which could result in an improved standard of living, it is therefore prudent about the outstripping advantages of a young population to a country.

In conclusion, whilst certain disadvantages could be identified, I personally believe that the benefits brought from a higher proportion of young people to a country are vastly immense.

Vinh, your written work does not accurately represent the original prompt requirement. Kindly keep in mind that the C&C section of the test score consideration requires all the paragraphs to represent fully developed and well thought out discussions. These discussions cannot be less than 3 sentences, but no more than 5 sentences in length. What you have presented here are only 2 sentences with the discussion immediately starting in the second sentence. The opening statement is never a partial reasoning discussion. It can only be and will always be, a simply restatement of the original prompt discussion with an outline provided. I suggest that you refer to my representation of the original prompt requirement as a reference guide for your future essays:

Currently, the population of older people across the globe is proving to be less than the number of young adults. This discrepancy in the population number makes people think about the advantages of having more young people in the population. They wonder if there are more advantages than disadvantages to the current situation. This essay will discuss the population comparison concern for the benefit of the readers.

Do not begin the discussion at the end of the opening statement. A discussion can only be started in the opening statement in a TOEFL test, which you are not taking.

Now, while your discussion is interesting in presentation, it would have been stronger if you had delved into a comparison discussion of the benefits of having a smaller elderly population in comparison to the younger generation. You did not discuss comparable statistics for your 2 topics in the paragraphs so the information you provided is somewhat inconclusive. A more accurate discussion of this would have been to use the same criteria considerations, such as job leadership in relation to work experience. Using the same consideration points makes for a more solid and better developed discussion as the real advantages and disadvantages can be discussed on the same level of logic and reasoning.

For the changes in your concluding statement, please refer to discussion I gave for your opening statement presentation. The same advice applies due to the same mistakes that exist in the presentation.

@Holt
I'm truly thankful for your remark.
Regarding your advice on opening and concluding statements, I was following some tips from ielts-simon (such as ielts-simon./ielts-help-and-english-pr/2017/06/ielts-writing-task-2-homework-essay.html) . Now I got frustrated whether I must change this brief way of writing for the less important parts in the essay.

Concerning incomparable aspects of the 2 views, I do totally agree with you that it would be better if I could contradict each of 2 body paragraphs to the other.

Last but not least, please give me your overview opinions on the vocab usage as I'm not a native speaker and I'm focusing on improving my writing's naturalness.

Thanks,
Vinh