Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0] - SERVICES
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

A TOEFL writing about the disadvantage of people spend more and more time on social media


Golden_Kun 1 / 1  
Nov 3, 2016   #1
It is commonly accepted that the rapid development of modern technology has fundamentally changed our lives.Especially, the advent of social media has revolutionised the way people communicate and interact with each other. Today, Individuals spend more and more time on various social networks, like Facebook, twitter and text messaging. Although whether the common phenomenon is a boon or bane is still open to debate. in consideration of it's negative effect on people's social interaction and career, as I see it, overusing electronic means of communication might do more harm than good.

One reason why indulging in social networking can adversely affect people is that it is gradually weakening our connection in the real world. for example, instead of spending time outdoors having face-to-face communications, many of my friends who I used to hang out with now spend more time in their home, browsing the social networking sites or using WeChat, a sort of instant messager, on their cellphones. Since it is harder than before to stay connected with my friends, I feel a growing sense of alienation between us. In fact, in modern society, it is more difficult for people to distinguish between the meaningful relationships we foster in the real world, and the numerous casual relationships formed through social media. It leads to a phenomenon that the more time we spend on social networks, the more lonely we feel.

In addition to causing the weakness in social skills, excessive use of social media also has serious impact on our work and study. As important sources of entertainment, when people get addicted to them, computer and cellphone must cause unwanted distractions on daily routines. In fact, addicting to these devices will disrupt regular plans and schemes inevitably. Take myself for an example, when I was in high school, I indulged in the cellphone. I exchanged text messages with my friends frequently even in class. This caused that I can not concentrate on my studies. The result can be imagined, I did not get ideal marks in the fall exam at that term. Additionally, Long time to play mobile phones or sit in front of computer screens can cause health problems such as memory loss and disturbances. It will indirectly influence people's efficiency and productivity. All these factors could cause people are not qualified for their work or study.

Admittedly, modern electronic means of communications bring convenience for living. People can stay in touch with their families and friends through new technology wherever they are; And can get help in case of an emergency. However, it is undeniable that these new methods exert seriously negative influence on individuals and society. In conclusion, social networking serves as a double-edged sword. Only if we make good use of it will it do the most good.

ranasaleh 1 / 4 2  
Nov 3, 2016   #2
In consideration of its negative effect on ...

For example, instead of ...

Take Taking myself for an example, ...

In conclusion, social networking ... Only if we make good use of it will ... put this sentence at the begining of the last paragraph in order to be obvious that you have a conclusion for this essay.
OP Golden_Kun 1 / 1  
Nov 4, 2016   #3
@ranasaleh
Thanks for your comments. The last point you mentioned about the structure problem is very valuable for me!


Home / Writing Feedback / A TOEFL writing about the disadvantage of people spend more and more time on social media