Past advancements on the field of technology have given birth to the now-dominant media, television which has changed our lifestyle to a drastic degree. Unfortunately, such changes seem to be leaning to, rather than positive, negative facets whose consequences typically target young viewers.
To begin with, televisions and movies are allowing children's behavior to take a turn for the worse. To be more specific, psychologically speaking, children, from the very moment of their birth, are considered to be blank pages whose codes of conduct are contingent upon other people, not until they are of adulthood do the degree to which they perceive others to develop their traits decreases. As a result, children are the most vulnerable prey to the ever increase in violent and melodramatic contents on television. Early exposure to such harmful elements may interfere with children's cognitive development and render them confused those with the reality, which would subsequently lead to many children mistakenly setting the characters they see as role models resulting in aggressive behaviors and juvenile delinquency being on the rise.
Secondly, watching television may, in some cases, affect students' progress at school. Particularly, the act of watching TV itself in addictive, and with the help from current technologies, viewers' experience is greatly enhanced, which would somehow mean that its obsessive nature could be increased to such an extent that many students may forfeit their schooling and spend most on their time watching TV leading to the downgrade to academic progress.
Another point worth pointing out is that the appearance of TV introduces great threats to people's physical and mental quality. For instance, prolonged period of exposure to the radiation emitted from TV's screen may cause visual impairment or sight-related diseases. What is more, watching TV could undermine people's reasoning skill since all of the information has been prepared beforehand and fully presented, there is no need to have our brain exercised.
To sum up, the damage of watching TV may extend far beyond personal scale. Therefore, we should impose a restriction upon ourselves about the amount of time spent for television everyday.
I would be grateful if you guys could give me some rating over the scale of 30. Thank you!
Past advancements on in the field of technology have has given birth to the now-dominant media, television which has changed our lifestyle to a drastic dramatic degree.
... which would subsequently lead to many children mistakenly setting the characters they see as role models resulting in aggressive behaviors and juvenile delinquency being on the rise.<<<<====== Very well written as you have given your justification too!!
It is well written and as you have asked for it , it would give you 25 / 30 ; I am taking your five marks because of some grammatical mistakes and also you are just giving one sided view,you should be open minded too, the law of nature doesn't talk about extremist steps rather it is of a balance. So i would suggest you to bring a balance in your essay by quoting merits of media/television on children and the society in the end. This would give you a good bonus point because you are calling for a balance. Here, you can say that even though it has many side effects, media has brought awareness among the youth, they also know what is happening in the society i.e. by watching news. They get to see their role models i.e. good role models like sportsmen , political leaders etc. They start to aim high... just like this you can mention the merits. and in the end you can say that there should be a balance in life, children should spend time with family, parents should talk to their children and spend time with them, Children should make friends and have enjoy their childhood rather than wasting time on net! (Instead of putting restrictions, suggest fun loving innovative , children friendly ideas) Nobody wants restrictions in their life rather we seek for alternatives which are sustainable and fun loving and enjoyable! Rest your article is good as you have given your justification and facts...:)
I think the best of your essay is the ability in using word - very appropriate.
But the sentences are too long, such as the last sentence in the second para and the third para just includes 2 sentence - as the fact that the second sentence is too long. You should cut the sentence and add some linking word in order to make the para more smooth!
You have used connectors where necessary and your essay is coherent. Really good writing.
I am also preparing for TOEFL and GRE and i learned that these exams look more for open mindedness , so you need to add the positive aspects too and how it can benefit the society. So on that basis I will give 24/30
I tried to add some points below .
....Particularly, the act of watching TV itself in is addictive, and with the help from current technologies advancement in technology, viewers' experience is greatly enhanced. So TV can also prove to be a boon for the society if they will use it in a best way.
One can get to know the activities going in the world by sitting at one place only. It also makes aware the people of bad evils of society thus making them not oblivious. Cartoon channels actually develops the creative side of the mind in children. Some channels like discovery and wildlife makes the children learn and understand the things fast they read in books.
So everything comes with the two sides , what we need to do is to maintain a balance for a prosperous living.
