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Essay about the disappointments you faced in life


aysha 7 / 1  
Feb 7, 2007   #1
Topic: write about some of the disappointments you faced in life.
Life had been tough for me. i was only sixteen but felt a hundred years old. my life was infact an ocean of endless problems, because i had to face many disappointments in it.

The first disappointment which I faced was when i first knew that my mother had cancer. Tears welled in my eyes. My lips began to quiver and I cried my heart out. I loved my mother more than anything in the world. As she was now on complete bed rest I had to take care of the house. I had become more responsible and tried my best but it felt like and extra burden on my shoulders. Everyday i had to nurse my mother, help my grandmother with the household chores, send my sister to school and help her with the homework. my studies were affected as i was missing school due to the situation at home. Still i never complained and did my work with sincerety and loyalty to my mother. As time passed by she was gradually recovering and by the she had fully recovered all my troubles were over. I thanked god that my mother was saved from this killer disease and that she was living a healthy life now.

Note: Please check this essay.This is how i have started it and now I dont know what to write next as i haven't faced any disappointments in life. i just made it up by my self. Please give me some more ideas to complete my essay. I need an answer soon because I have to submit this after 3 hours.

EF_Team2 1 / 1,709  
Feb 7, 2007   #2
Greetings!

We can't promise a response within three hours, but I hope I can still be of some help.

Sometimes an essay starts off in one direction and ends up in another. That's the problem I see here. You start out sounding as if you will be telling about numerous problems: "my life was in fact an ocean of endless problems ..." You then launch into "The first disappointment" revolving around your mother's cancer. However, everything you mention thereafter is related to "the situation at home." After discussing this one "disappointment" your troubles are over. It leaves the reader thinking, "Wait, that was the first disappointment, what was the second? the third?"

I doubt if it is true that you haven't faced ANY disappointments in life. They may, however have been relatively small ones, compared with something life-threatening like cancer. But haven't you ever been lied to by a friend, or not won a spelling bee, or had to watch your school's team lose an important game, or wanted something for your birthday that you didn't receive? Even the small everyday disappointments of life can be interesting if you write about them in enough detail that the reader will know how you felt.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
aznpoo 7 / 23  
Feb 18, 2007   #3
The first disappointment which I faced was when i first knew that my mother had cancer. Tears welled in my eyes. My lips began to quiver and I cried my heart out. I loved my mother more than anything in the world. As she was now on complete bed rest I had to take care of the house. I had become more responsible and tried my best but it felt like and extra burden on my shoulders. Everyday i had to nurse my mother, help my grandmother with the household chores, send my sister to school and help her with the homework. my studies were affected as i was missing school due to the situation at home. Still i never complained and did my work with sincerety and loyalty to my mother. As time passed by she was gradually recovering and by the she had fully recovered all my troubles were over. I thanked god that my mother was saved from this killer disease and that she was living a healthy life now.

What I've notice is a bunch of "I" "I am depress" "I am sad" "I work too hard". Try to rearange you're wording so there won't be "mini" sentences. Here an example what I would of wrote.

When my mother softly whisper to my ear that she had developed [Insert name of cancer here], my world started to tremble, my heart was pounding a million beats per second and my eyes were dehydrated from the excessive tears that were leaking out.


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