It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!
Prompt: Do people learn who they are only when they are forced into action?
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Discovering oneself does not happen in a day; in fact, for many finding themselves takes a lifetime. However, this does not mean we are not constantly involved in the act of self-discovery. Self-discovery requires certain circumstances, emotions and timing in order to occur. It is not possible to delve within ourselves by merely sitting in a chair and partaking in a halfhearted self reflection. We can only truly learn our strengths and weaknesses when we are unexpectedly forced into action.
Oftentimes a situation of danger and peril brings out our greatest traits. The passengers of the third flight part of the 9/11 terror attacks experienced exactly this. As soon as they learned their trip had been used to carry out a suicide mission attacking the Pentagon, several passengers began to revolt. Under normal circumstances, such an act of courage would not even come to mind; there would be too much hesitation and thought involved. But when forced into action, the passengers discovered their hidden bravery, thus realizing a part of themselves.
The discovery of our flaws is extremely prevalent when we are forced to face our fears. In Nathaniel Hawthorne's A Scarlet Letter, the town pastor, Arthur Dimmesdale, commits the sin of adultery. Throughout the book, he is forced to come into contact with its consequences; he meets his lover, Hester, daily; he touches his daughter, Pearl; and he lives under the overbearing presence of his suspicious physician, Chillingworth. Each time this occurs, Dimmesdale chooses to avoid confronting his sin, revealing his true cowardice and weak nature. When forced to make the decision between accepting his fault and coming to terms with it, or instead fleeing far away from it, Dimmesdale chose the latter. In choosing to do so, he showed his true weaknesses.
Although some argue that self-discovery is a passive, accumulating process, that description is incomplete at best. Without being forced into active situations, we have no opportunity to put our true personalities into action. As soon as we encounter a sudden experience, however, we strip away al other variables affecting our decisions, thus openly revealing our true selves. Clearly, it is only when we are forced into action that we discover our real strengths and weaknesses.
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I don't think you need to worry about your introduction too much. I hope you timed yourself if you're preparing for the SAT because if not, the focus should be on the body paragraphs, not the intro. Your conclusion nicely ties up your main points.
Introduction is too lengthy for me.
Unexpected events happen in lifetimes help people to discover their strengths and weaknesses. As such, self discovery is effective when people are forced into a situation where they have never experienced before
