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Discuss different views and show what do you think about fix punishment


tantan 2 / 5 1  
Jan 12, 2016   #1
Topic: Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My essay

People have different view about whether punishments for crimes should be fixed. Although there are some advantages of fixed punishment, I believe that it is better to judge each crime individually.

There are some good arguments for having one set punishment for each crime. Firstly, it is easy to make a fair justice system. For instance, death penalty also called capital punishment for corruptors in Indonesia and only death punishment has to prevent the crime rates in community. Secondly, everyone is aware of the punishment for each crime that could deter the number of offenders in their own country over decades.

However, I would argue that the circumstances of a crime and the criminal's motivation should have an influence on the punishment. Stealing for profit in comparison with stealing to feed family is differently responsible for acting. For example, the first group has bad characteristics such as laziness or selfishness that could also breed future offenders who steal for profit. Others choose as thieves, instead of working hard to make an honest living. All situations should be judged following the legal system. Another case is that people do not have enough money to make ends meet, they will be tempted to purse illegal activities just to support themselves and their families. In this case, each crime individually should be considered to reducing punishment.

In conclusion, while a number of people think that each type of crime should be fixed punishment, I would argue that they should be judged taking both the circumstances and motivation account.

Juniedang 3 / 9  
Jan 12, 2016   #2
People have different views...

For example ,(I think the following idea is not the example but the explanatory for the previous sentence) the first group has bad characteristics such as laziness or selfishness that could also breed future offenders who steal for profit.

...taking both the circumstances and motivation into account.

I think you should proofread your writing after completing it since there are some minor mistakes that you can avoid.
Some more points can be corrected but I think vangiespen can help better.
OP tantan 2 / 5 1  
Jan 12, 2016   #3
thank you so much^^
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 12, 2016   #4
Tan, in your opening statement, you should not only restate the prompt but you should also present 2 additional sentences before you state your opinion. You need a sentence each to explain the supporting and opposing views when it comes to the topic of fixed punishment for crimes. An introduction should always contain a summary of the discussion so make sure that all of the key components of the prompt are presented in that paragraph before you continue your independent paragraph discussions.

The essay's general discussion is weak because there is no specification as to whether you are discussing one of the two sets of views, of if you are discussing your opinion from the beginning to the very end. As the prompt dictates, you need to have a 3 paragraph description representing each of the following topics: support for fixed punishment, opposition to fixed punishment, and your personal opinion. I believe that the first 2 are represented in the essay and is lacking the last part, your personal opinion.

Your conclusion is not satisfactory as it is too short and does not offer a complete summary of the discussion, prompt restatement, and a repeat of your personal opinion. All of which as integral parts that should be properly represented in your concluding statement. Thus, your concluding statement is ill effective in delivering your message to the reader.
OP tantan 2 / 5 1  
Jan 12, 2016   #5
thank you so much, I will try my best to write the next essay


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