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IELTS - Discuss whether employees should be forced to disclosure their private data; job interview

Rachelrc 1 / -  
Jan 20, 2020   #1

personal information during work recrutation

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interest, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, more and more employers require interviewees to fill in their personal information, which includes hobbies and even relationship status in the job application form. Some people think it is unnecessary and useless, but I believe that it will benefits to the company in some extent, and employers should not make it compulsory.

In some circumstances, data collection do have vantage to the business. Managers can get some basic ideas of what the new employee like or dislike from the application form. For instance, a welcome lunch with vegan food is prepared for a vegetarian fresher. Besides of daily communication level, unnecessary conflict could be avoided if employers are more familiar with their employees. A better job allocation, such as emergency duties may cause over working time are distributed to staff who do not come home on time to take care their children. Lastly, employers may conduct some group activities to staff according to their interest, a friendly and relaxing working environment benefit for both parties.

However, although data collection shows many pros, some people dislike to disclosure their personal information to employers. They argue that such information is irrelevant and useless to their job duties, and it is purely personal things which is very privately. Most of them, especially for woman who does not willing to discover their martial status, what they want to do in their leisure time to someone who not familiar with.

In conclusion, providing personal date may bring profits to the company development and also the staff, but employers should make it as optional for the applicants who decide their own choice.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,892 2170  
Jan 21, 2020   #2
The paraphrasing in the first paragraph is incomplete. You omitted the paraphrase of the original instruction, which made your essay tangential in response. A more appropriate paraphrase would have been:

Personal data is now part of the information gathered from job applicants. This information is believed by some to be necessary in the future should the applicant be hired by the company. However, others oppose the collection of such data and believe it should be an optional part of the candidate's information sheet. . By analyzing both public points of view, I hope to form my own opinion regarding the usability of the said material.

From there, the body of paragraphs discussion should have been (in no particular order for the pro and con discussion) :

Body 1 - Pro
Body 2 - Con
Body 3 - Personal point of view

This is a 5 paragraph essay as per the instructions so more than 250 words should be written. At least 300 words will be needed to discuss should a prompt instruction.

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