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Writing task 2: discuss about the extinction of animal species


DiepVu99 9 / 21 9  
Jul 2, 2020   #1

Endangered animals protection



Topic: Nowadays, many animal species are becoming extinct. Some people believe that countries and individuals must solve this problem, others believe that humans being are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

While the human world is becoming more and more developed, the world of animals is on the verge of extinction. There are 2 main arguments drawn: nations and individuals must take responsibility for this issue; others claim that human is the priority. In my opinion, I totally agree with the first one.

Firstly, the extinction of animals should be obligated by countries and individuals because human life 's development has damaged the habitat of them for a long time. In order to improve living standards and meet the demands in many fields, people are always willing to destroy the forests and make advantages of wood. These lead to an imbalance in the ecosystem and they would die due to the lack of food, being hard to reproduction, etc. Therefore, I believe that people including countries and individuals should propose the solutions to prevent the issue.

Secondly, some people prefer to the human than the extinction of animals. It means they only focus on the benefits they could obtain and all ignore the problems of their activities that might cause negative effects such as a huge number of animal species would be disappeared if they continued to cut down the forest and take a big amount of animal habitat. Thereby, the environment would be seriously harmed and then affect the sake of themselves. In my perspective, it is not good once people do not put their consideration enough for the extinction of animals.

In conclusion, the extinction of many animal species should be cared much more and the countries and individuals should contribute to limit the issue.

I'm very grateful if you can give me some comments!

bangbangbt 5 / 9 3  
Jul 4, 2020   #2
hi , i have some comments for you:

the habitat of them => their natural habitats

to destroy the forests and make advantages of wood => to deforest for industrial/economical purpose

These lead to an imbalance in the ecosystem and they would die ... => who are they? you mentioned people in the previous sentence, which means this they refers to them (human, not animal)

Secondly, some people prefer to the human ... => not a good topic sentence, you need to be more specific

... they could obtain and all ignore the problems ... => misuse of conditional sentence, you should have used type 1 since this is an assumption for the future.

it is not good => you should try using other academic words

what you should do in the last paragraph is paraphrase the prompt again and restate your opinion
Waterloop 6 / 17  
Jul 6, 2020   #3
the extinction of animals should be obligated by countries and individuals -> Countries and individuals should shoulder their responsibility for causing...
the habitat of them -> their habitat
people are always craving for destroying the forests to satisfy their desire and needs.
cut down the forest -> you can say logging/ deforestation/ cutting down trees in large scale


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