THE PROBLEM OF AGING POPULATION
In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.
Today, people's average life span has vastly lengthened. The main problem this causes is a burden in national finances and the most viable solution is a public awareness campaign boosting young citizens' effort to ease this financial pressure.
The principal problem associated with people living longer is that more national money is consumed to take care of aged citizens. This is to say that, with the increasing number of senior citizens, more elderly homes are needed to accommodate them sufficiently. To do this, the government has to spend a substantial amount of national revenues to build more retirement homes resulting in a huge financial problem. For example, the Korean government is facing extreme difficulty with its national budget after spending too much money on providing caring houses to old people.
To tackle this problem, the government should launch a publicity campaign in the media and in schools to raise people's awareness about this issue and encourage young generations to work harder. When the young are aware that their parents are a part of financial burden to the country, they will likely oblige to work with extra efforts to help boost the country's economy and lighten such burden. Such an awareness campaign will shed some light on this situation and allow people to be more open and honest about it. For instance, many young citizens in Germany are working more than 8 hours per day to support governmental spending on housing the elderly.
In conclusion, as people can now live longer than ever, the pressure in national money occurs when building elderly homes, however, the government's awareness campaign will be of great help to elevate this problem by motivating younger generations to work harder.
You have put forward a fair essay, but here are the drawbacks that I can find.
I will try to offer a few suggestions.
Firstly, always try and divide your essay into an introduction, a body and a conclusion paragraph.
This will help you to put forward your ideas in a concise manner and it would also be easier for the examiner to go through it.
Introduction means only to introduce the problem. Talk about the distribution and burden of the problem. DO NOT OFFER MEASURES TO REDUCE THE PROBLEMS WITH AGING HERE AS IT WILL BE PART OF YOUR ESSAY BODY.
Your introduction paragraph here "The main problem this causes is a burden in national finances and the most viable solution is a public awareness campaign boosting young citizens' effort to ease this financial pressure.", according to me would have been a good body or conclusion/ending statement.
Another issue I notice is that you have spoken only about financial burden as the problem and not highlighted any other issues.
I would suggest you to think of what are the other problems associated with increasing life span -
Example : Increasing burden on the health care system due to more cases of dementia, fractures from trivial falls. Poor quality of life of these aging individuals and so on.
Introduction - All over the world, the average life span of individuals has been increasing due to the human development and higher standards of living. As the life span increases, it comes with it's own set of problems and burden to society.
Body of Essay - This is where you talk about all the problems associated with increasing age. List all the problems you can think off and then offer suitable solutions.
You can use your existing essay, but just add up points to it.
Conclusion - Highlight the main idea and conclusion drawn from your essay.
Good Luck!! :)