Personally
As this is an advantage versus disadvantage discussion, you are not obliged to give a personal opinion. In fact, you are well advised to avoid such a perspective reference as this is not a task requirementin this essay as it would have been in an agree or disagree or personal opinion essay. This will bea task deduction from the applicable sectional score. A general discussion reference is what is needed here.
Furthermore, they also need to learn
This reference should not have been included in this paragraph anymore. The writer failed to properly develop the topic focus,which affected the cohesiveness of the paragraph negatively. What should have been used instead is a transition paragraph that effectively introduces the next paragraph topic.
It is beyond dispute
Actually, there are some who will dispute this claim. Such personal opinion references must be avoided in the A V. D essays because of its non-requirement in the discussion. A neutral tone mustbe used throughout.
Nonetheless, I highly believe that
I assume you already understand why your opinion does not matter in this essay right?