Discuss both of perspectives about do talents come from parents or not?

WRITING IELTS TASK 2.
It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

This is my sample. Please give me some suggestions. Thank you :)

Almost every people around the world interests to music and/ or sport since it is enjoyable activity to do in leisure time. Numerous people think that some of them have special capability from infant, while the others believe that talents can be learned by child until they become expert. Both of perspectives will be discussed with the reasonable explanation and I personally will give my opinion about them.

First and foremost, part of people believe that talents, in this case sport and music, is part of gene from their parents. One of parents or both of them will derives their ability to their child. It is proved by Gita Gutawa, one of woman singer from Indonesia, who has talent in music from his father, Erwin Gutawa. Furthermore, it is also occur on sport. For instance, Susi Susanti, woman badminton player from Indonesia, who has excellent athlete daughter. From child, most of them desire to staffs which are able to improve their talents.

However, to possess certain talents, most people believe that they obligate to learn them and make them to become habbits. As people say, to be an excellent sport or musician, they just more practise, it means it depend on the frequent they aplicate what they want to do. For example, several athletes have schedule to create their activities regularly. In consequent, their capacity to become impressive on their talents.

To sum up, parents is one of factor influence human's talents, however, implement of these activities continually also build the talents gradually. In my view, both of gene and frequency are the items that support each other.

Almost every PERSON around the world interests IN .... it is AN enjoyable activity to

One of parents or both of them will DERIVE

who has INHERITED talent in music from his father

Furthermore, it is also occur on sport.

make them to become HABITS

In CONSEQUENCE

Thank you @db723. Would you like to advise me about the coherence and cohesion in my writing? :)

Hi Luthfia dewi, let me try to give you some suggestions.

first, pay more attention to give an article a, an or the.
second, modals followed by v1.
third, give an example that people around the world are familiar with it. Try something more famous, even though gita is famous in your country, people in another country maybe do not know her.


KEEP SPIRIT!!!
Thank you