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IELTS TASK 2: Discuss both view on whether or not to keep animal in zoo.

PaulthePhoenix 4 / 16  
Jul 31, 2018   #1
Some people believe it's wrong to keep animal in zoos while other think that zoos are important for both its educational and ecological value. Discuss both views

zoo still plays a crucial part in protecting endangered species

In this modern world, there has been an ongoing debate on the controversial roles of the zoo. Some believe keeping animals in cage is morally wrong wwhile others emphasize on the preservation and education roles that rest upon the shoulder of the zoo. In this essay, I shall put forth my arguments to discuss both perspective to get the impartial view of the problem.

There are several reasons to implicate that it's unethical to nurture wildlife animals in captivity. Confining animals in small spaces has been scientifically proven to assert some detrimental effects on their behaviors. Predators raised in the zoo lose their instinct to hunt while small creatures do not feel threatened by their hunters. The disappearance of these traits, which keep them alive in the wild, put their existence in peril. The dependant on human for food and care, in addition, worsen the above problem.

The zoo offers some crucial benefits despite of the downsides. It is, first of all, a sanctuary for some endangered species, which should have perished if left alone in the wild. Take dodo birds for example, if it had not been for the relentless effort of the Australian Zoo, this distinctive bird could have been wiped out. Scientists at the zoo work their best to provide an environment that is predator-free and with stable temperature so that the bird and its offspring can thrive. Another factor to demonstrate the significant role of the zoo is its ample educational value for children of all ages. Zoo is the ideal place to instil the awareness to preserve the environment into young generation's mind.

In conclusion, although facing with several criticisms for its moral issues, the zoo still play a crucial part in protecting endangered species and education young children.

smally01 9 / 34 14  
Jul 31, 2018   #2
Hi PaulthePhoenix, hope that I can help.

Tell me if I am wrong, Isn't it the question is asking whether or not keeping the animals in zoo instead of the role of maintaining the zoo? I just get little confused by reading the first sentence of the first paragraph...

And I believe if you can put some "Cohesive Devices" to your essay will help a lot for the reader to follow your points and ideas.

Predators raised in the zoo [...] The dependant on human ...

Maybe you can think about on changing the order for the above statement, so that reader will be easier to follow the correlation in between. E.g. animals are locked, well feed by humans so they lost their instincts. Since they lost those traits which is essential for them to survive when released to the wild, they are in danger...
Tran Minh Hien 4 / 11 3  
Aug 1, 2018   #3
Overall, your essays sounds good to me. However, there are some small mistakes I'd like to point out, mostly in word usage. I think you used a lot of "unique" words in your essay, however, they may sound unnatural or wrong. This is very tricky to non-native speakers, I also have difficulty with this problem all the time. So the advice is: always check your words meaning, especially if you use a word to gain a higher score on Lexical resources criterion. Only use words that you're familiar with and can use confidently, even if they're not so "fancy".

In this modern world, there has been an ... -> this sounds like a memorized sentence to me. It also did not contribute any significant effect to your introduction. Removing it doesn't break the word limit. So I suggest just throw it away. Instead, try to paraphrase the topic (your 2nd sentence) better. This will help showing your ability of understanding the topic and expressing the same idea in various ways.

"the downsizes" -> please check this word again. I didn't find any dictionary explained this word as a noun, not to mention the similar meaning (that I assumed) of "drawbacks/disadvantages/negative etc."

Another factor to demonstrate -> sounds unnatural

although facing with -> again, didn't find this expression of "to face with something" anywhere. Just "to face sth" is enough.

Hope this helps! Feel free to discuss any point you disagree. Have a good day!
OP PaulthePhoenix 4 / 16  
Aug 1, 2018   #4
Thank you all for your comments. I'm really appreciate your contribution. Hope you all have a good revision

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