Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 4

Discuss both views and give opinion about encouraging young people to leave home or staying atome .


Bao Bao 1 / 1  
Jul 22, 2021   #1

different aspects of staying young adults at home



People have different views about whether encouraging young people to leave home or keeping them staying at home with family. Although it can be argued that staying at home can bring certain benefits, I believe that living home with their family would be better for them.

On the one hand, it is argued by some that staying with parents can keep children being safe. When they live with their family, they can be assured of food home and especially safety. Because of that, they are in comfort zone, which they should not concern how to make a living. However, they think they do not have to do anything and then easily depend on family. They will be a useless or even a burden of family in society.

On the one hand, it would side with those who believe that young people should leave home when they become older. To begin with, this is a good way to motivate young people live in competitive life. Thanks to challenges and obstacles, they have to fight and overcome with them. According to experts, young people who deal with challenges are more likely to be mature and succeed in life. Furthermore, living far from home makes them ashore that they have to work hard to get a lot of money for family and their parents. However, when living outside, they could be easily fascinated in social evils if they are not careful.

In conclusion, while they are some advantages of staying at home, I completely agree with those who believe that living home is better for young children.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,252 3656  
Jul 23, 2021   #2
The essay had a very good start. The compare and contrast discussion shows that each public . has a logical reason that made its supporters believe in it. The writer developed the public points of view clearly. There is no question that the public - are being considered deeply and an analysis of the points were done. The discuss both views aspect was well developed and presented. These are the strongest parts of the essay. What is the weak part?

The writer should have explained the basis of his personal opinion after the compare and contrast discussion. The fully developed personal opinion is a required scoring element. The writer cannot offer a personal opinion without basis. Such a presentation creates an incomplete discussion presentation. It fulfills only 75% of the scoring requirement. To achieve 100% scoring basis, all required discussion elements must be fully presented.

The personal opinion for this could have been based on the writer's personal preference. The explanation of the personal option would have resulted in a complete discussion as perprompt requirements. Good work though. The essay can still recieve a somewhat satisfactory score. Though the language used is not perfect, the idea is still easily understood.
OP Bao Bao 1 / 1  
Jul 23, 2021   #3
@Holt could you guess what band do you think this essay is ?
jolie25 1 / 3  
Jul 29, 2021   #4
your essay is very well-organized


Home / Writing Feedback / Discuss both views and give opinion about encouraging young people to leave home or staying atome .