Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Discuss both views: joining university or leave school to get a job

lynguyen2912 1 / -  
Mar 21, 2021   #1

getting a job immediately or keeping on further study?

After graduating from high school, youngsters mostly get confused by opposing points of view about whether or not they ought to study further at university. While many recommend the above choice, a huge range of opponents still suppose that working straightforward provides more benefits.

To begin with, spending four years at university is definitely worthy for every teenager. Firstly, It is indisputably claimed that the more classes people join, the further academic education people receive, especially together with the well- qualified groups of teachers and the modernization of infrastructure, students are able to acquire much more knowledge and experiences in such a conducive environment, which is significantly necessary for their later job. Secondly, to adapt to a more and more competitive market, attaining a well- appreciated degree plays a requisite part. It not only facilitates employees' success in job interviews but also assists them in higher future positions. It seems that most companies and employers now often look through your certificate as proof for your qualification before accepting and arranging you in a job position. Therefore, better academic education will absolutely let you in a suitable profession.

Besides, pursuing an occupation right after high school graduation also has its own advantages. What is easily realized first is that people can receive a real immense amount of experiences, not just boring theories found in a stack of books like university. For instance, people who started working for a mechanic workshop at the age of 18 will receive more years of experience than a university one because they work with machines eight hours a day, contact with a plethora of clients, and repeat them day by day, then there is no doubt if they know clearly about their major . Additionally, due to an early approach to new independent life, people seem less surprised at any sudden changes in society and then cope with them without fear, hesitation and shyness.

As a final note, getting a job immediately or keeping on further study? It is still your choice, follow these above advantageous sides of each one and make a right decision
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447  
Mar 21, 2021   #2
Good work in avoiding the presentation of a personal opinion at the start of the essay. Bad job in posing a rhetorical question in the concluding paragraph. While you did not make a decision for the student, you did open up a second line of discussion in the concluding paragraph rather than a summary of the discussion. There was no need for the rhetorical question as the discussion was supposed to be close in that paragraph. Never pose question in the concluding discussion. That is unnecessary. Just repeat the topic as a statement, which is what you are supposed to be presenting in that section.
Pocket Friend 2 / 2  
Mar 22, 2021   #3
which is significantly necessary for their later job / This part is awkward, how about "which is almost always necessary for their later job"
This essay has a very friendly and informal tone. If this was your goal don't change anything, however, if you want it to be more formal I would suggest getting rid of words such as "besides", "youngsters", and "boring theories".

As a final note, ... It is still your choice, follow ... / This sentence does not provide an impactful end to your writing. I would suggest you restate your position (whether college or a job is better).

Additionally, due to an early approach to ... / I would suggest with statements such as this you get statistics or evidence to back up your claim, instead of just a generalization.
Ahmed adobewan 1 / 3  
Mar 23, 2021   #4
Here's a structure you can use for this which works everytime with this question prompt:

Restate prompt statement in your own words.
State both views

Paragraph 1:
State fist view
Reason / Explanation
Reason # 2 (optional)
Example of any kind

Paragraph 2:
Same as para # 1 but with the second view

Restate the prompt again in different words
State both views

Consistency of your ideas is key in scoring good and using this structure will assure you do exactly that, without getting distracted and opening more discussions on the side. Make sure you plan this way on the rough sheet.

Home / Writing Feedback / Discuss both views: joining university or leave school to get a job