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IELTS 2: essay discussed about teaching children, what is good and what is bad for them


baljeet12345 1 / -  
Jul 25, 2018   #1
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ?


difference between right and wrong



People with strong decision making capabilities have achieved more success because they learnt the difference between right and wrong at early stage of their life. Many people argue that giving punishment to children is required to teach them this difference. I completely agree with the statement because child will understand the intensity of making a blunder and extreme emotions have long lasting effect on them in future.

Degree of punishment is directly related with the level of crime. Law and order try to find level of crime based on the arguments from both sides. This decides for how long an accused person have to stay behind bars. Teachers and parents also treat children in same manner to teach them about the things which should be avoided in future. For instance, if a student steal some stuff of other student then teacher should suspend him to teach that its unacceptable by society. So that he can understand what is wrong.

Human brain perform a lot of activities at same time but extreme emotions always stays for a longer duration. People will always remember their happiest and saddest day of life and have better understanding about the reason behind that. If parents punish their children when they commit some mistake which could lead to major crimes in future. Doing such a task might hurt parents as well but child will never repeat it in future. For instance, as per the survey done by Indian Institute of Management, 90% people who never commit any crime in their life had wacked by their parents in early part of their life.

To sum up, this essay discussed about teaching children, what is good and what is bad for them by extreme emotions and level of mistakes. In my opinion, i completely agree that children should well aware about what type of reaction the will get based on type of action they perform.

smally01 9 / 34 14  
Jul 25, 2018   #2
Hope that I can help.

First of all, it would be good if you can help to explain the below:

"People with strong decision making capabilities ..." Sounds like decision making is nothing to do with ethics and morality, unless the 'right and wrong' you are talking about actually the 'right or wrong decisions'...

"have achieved more success" - do you mean have better achievement? If so then you are talking the achievement in what, life/wealth/career/BEING BIGBADGUY?

"children will understand ..." because you use "them" later on this sentence. BTW, what is "the intensity of making a blunder"? Is it refer to the act on right or wrong?

Would you mind tell what is "extreme emotions" means to your essay?

In the second paragraph, I guess you are trying to explain the relationships of crime and punishment and their determinants in penalty in the real world. And then to apply that to the school to support your argument. However, you only show "school suspension" which I would expect (maybe I am wrong) to see the different 'level' of retributions...

"... when they commit some mistake which could lead to major crimes in future", do you mean 'to avoid them to commit major crimes' instead?
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Jul 26, 2018   #3
Baljeet, you have an unnecessary focus on crime in this discussion. The essay only asks about the degree of your agreement or disagreement with the idea that children should be punished in order to learn right from wrong. The discussion of corporal punishment (whack or spanking) is out of line as those are not specifically mentioned in the prompt. There are other forms of punishment that can be applied to children to help them learn from their mistakes.

Do not do research for this type of test. As you know, there are limitations to your computer use at the exam center. There won't be any for this pen and paper test. That is why you should always use personal experience, personal knowledge, or public opinion in the defense or support of your discussion. Do not practice a form of practice test writing that will not be available to you at the center. If you keep doing that, you will not be able to complete an essay on exam day because you are not resourceful enough to use personal analysis and discussion to complete the task.

The opening paragraph is only a paraphrase or restatement of the prompt. Do not offer any reasoning in that section because the 5 sentence limit per paragraph will not allow you to completely explain the reasoning. That is why you are taught to never do that when practicing the writing format. Instead, stop after offering your response to the question with the explanation for more supporting discussions are to follow.

The same rules apply to the personal opinion. That is supposed to be a completely developed paragraph either in the 3rd of 4th paragraph presentation. You cannot just present an agreement without a complete explanation in the paragraph. For this type of question essay where you are asked "To what extent do YOU..." the keyword that the whole essay is a one sided personal opinion paper is the pronoun reference "you". That means that the first person pronouns such as "I, me, myself" should be used in the body of paragraphs. There is no need to repeat a personal opinion in the concluding paragraph. It should only be mentioned as a reminder of your extent of agreement/disagreement with the given topic for discussion.

You clearly understand the prompt requirements. However, you over-complicated what should have been a simple discussion. Don't over-reach in your discussion by expanding the topic to areas of discussion not represented in the original prompt. Keep it basic and general in tone. That is how you can remain on point with the topic presentation and also, make sure that your reasoning is always in accordance with the prompt requirements.

Limit your writing to 275 words if you can. That is because you cannot expect to have time to edit and revise your paper when you write more than 300 words like you did here. Learn to divide the 40 minutes between all the work that has to be done. Allot no more than 20 minutes for your draft writing so that you will have at least 10 more minutes left for editing and revision.


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