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Discussing both views about the influences what children watch and the amount of time they spend on.

ratter 2 / 6 2  
Dec 17, 2019   #1

tv impact on kids

Discussing about watching television, people have many opinions about it. While some people think that the content of the programs have an impact on them, I believe that both sides influence their behavior.

On the one hand, the length of the time spend watching exerts an impact on the way they behave. They may not pay attention to the time, which can bring on watching addiction. They even do not eat, do hygiene, do exercises,...and really concentrate on what they are watching. More serious, this leads to their communicative ability, so they find it hard to talk or play with other people. Children would feel discouraged from having real interactions with people around them if they spend too much time in front of the screen.

On the other hand, I still hold a strong belief that what children watch influences their behavior. Nowadays, with the development of technology, there are more and more kinds of new things on television, which attracts children very much. If they found something interesting or fit with their hobby, they may always think about it even it is a short program/video, and they would do their works as fast as possible to watch it. Worse, they may make children be addicted, and some kind of programs they like but bad, unwholesome to the society cause children to immoral, unaware behavior.

In short, both of them have big influences on children, and parents should take care of them more for a healthy lifestyle.

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Dec 18, 2019   #2
Welcome to the forum. Here is my feedback.

Ensure that you are using the appropriate sentence construction and grammar to have a more clarified result in your writing. Alongside this, it is critical to be mindful of the small, intricate details that make-up your essay writing skills. When we take a look at your first paragraph, for example, you could have said: The opinions regarding watching television differ greatly.

Moreover, in your body paragraphs, I find that you need to have a more concise writing pattern. Try to also avoid incorporating opinions throughout the writing. This will ensure that you have a steady stream of viable arguments that will structure your writing more around logic than opinions, which is what is sought after when writing.

When you are concluding in the last paragraph, use more appropriate language as well. Opening up this portion with "in short" won't be suitable. Try to start it with something closer to "conclusively" if you can.

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