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IELTS- Discussion & Opinion about an essay on how the new sport objects impacting people's health.


wellwell 1 / -  
Jun 17, 2012   #1
Some people believe that to improve public health governments should increase the number of sports facilities; others believe that it has little effects and need other measures to improve public health. Discuss both views and give your opinion. BY THE WAY, LET ME KNOW THE BAND SCORES. Thanks for your assistant.!

Health issues have puzzled governments and publics for a long period of time. Recently, some people suggest that more sports facilities should be built up by governments for the purpose of enhance health condition of public, whereas, others who against this proposal deem that it just have minimum helps for the improvement of health of public and insist that government need to seek other approaches to accomplish the task. In this essay, both viewpoints will be discussed.

In many developing countries, such as China, although the authority exert itself to increase the number of sports facilities and equipments in community, but still barely could fulfill the needs of the whole society since its tremendous population basis. A large proportion of people share one facility at the same time make the majority have little time to do exercises. Therefore, the government of China should inject more financial support to the construction of sports facilities so that more public could benefit from it.

However, the circumstances in some developed countries are just opposite. Many, if not most, these countries often equipped with ample sports facilities and with enormous sports centre which is free of charge. While, continually boost the amount of sports facilities will do thing but will be considered a waste of money which from either the government that with limited budget or the taxpayers that have heavy pressures on their shoulder. Since other methods should be took in account by the public to strengthen their health conditions such as regular and health diet, or by government to improve the quality in health care centre and complete the welfare system.

Personally, I think that different countries should take different measure in order to improve the condition of health of public. For some relatively poor countries, increasing the number of facilities may be more helpful. For the countries which have had enough facilities, they should pay more preoccupations on promoting the ideology of healthier lifestyle.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jun 17, 2012   #2
publics

- the public

sports facilities should be built up by governments

---------------- sports facilities should be provided by governments

n many developing countries, such as China, although the authority exert itself to increase the number of sports facilities and equipments in community, but still barely could fulfill the needs of the whole society since its tremendous population basis.

----------------- this sentence is too long and hence less clarity... Split it to two

In many developing countries, such as China, although the authority exert itself to increase the number of sports facilities and equipments in community, but still barely could fulfill the needs of the whole society since its tremendous population basis. A large proportion of people share one facility at the same time make the majority have little time to do exercises. Therefore, the government of China should inject more financial support to the construction of sports facilities so that more public could benefit from it.

you should tell us how such efforts can help build a healthy nation in order to establish a link with your topic.
khanhle 1 / 7  
Jun 18, 2012   #3
yes, the 1st sentence of your 2nd para is quite long, I suggest you cut it this way:
"In many developing countries, the government has taken steps to improve sporting facilities in the community, but hardly meet the needs at large. For instance, China is having difficulties to cop with its tremendous population.

also i think you elaborate more on each point you made, and try to answer the question
peterc 14 / 52  
Jun 24, 2012   #4
Hi wellwell,

You could try to split most of your sentences into two. Otherwise, it would be quite clumsy and certainly affect your score in consequence.

Keep up!
Slim shady 12 / 27  
Jun 27, 2012   #5
hi wellwell! it is really good job, keep it. you have enough source of academic words and it is great. moreover, watch out utilizing them!!!!


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