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'Disease prevention is better than cure' Do you agree or disagree?


mouxing 1 / 2  
Mar 19, 2011   #1
This is my first IELTS essay in Essay Forum, I'll be very appreciate you to edite my essay. And if possible, please suppose what score can I get. Thanks a lot!!

'Prevention is better than cure'
Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree and disagree?


There is no doubt that preventing our health and educating citizens how to become healthier is necessary. Some people believe prevention is better than cure. However, government give a large proportion of budget to health education and preventative measures maybe is not reasonable. In my opinion, governments should still insist on developing the treatment systems.

Popularity of some countries become aging, so prevention probably dose not work for old people who are already suffered form illnesses. In terms of health education, which some of old people are familiar with, but the results will not equal to their expectations. Due to the decline of immune systems and aging functions of organs, preventative measures cannot get rid of diseases from these old generation. In another hand, medical technology, which is a significant symbol of science technology development of a country, cannot be improved with limited budget. All the citizens in a country will benefit from good medical technology. Thus, treatment is more important than prevention and health education.

However, it is undeniable the necessity of health education and preventative measure. Now, some young people who have pressure and irregular lifestyle are unhealthy in some aspects, yet they have not realized. Health education will bring them some good effects, and also can prevent them from serious diseases. In addition, it can arouse people's awareness to pay attention on their health.

To summarize, in my personal view, treatment has always been a vital part of societies. Governments should give abundant budget on cure instead of health education and preventative measures, even though they are indispensable in some ways.

dumi 1 / 6,930 1592  
Mar 20, 2011   #2
Hi,

There is no doubt about the importance ofthat taking preventingve measures to safeguardour health and educating citizens how to become healthier is necessary .

However, governmentsgiveallocate a larger proportion of the budget to health education and preventative measures in contrast to the budget for treatmentmaybe is not reasonable. In my opinion, governments should stillinsist onfocus more on developing the treatment systems.
OP mouxing 1 / 2  
Mar 20, 2011   #3
Thank you~~
OP mouxing 1 / 2  
Mar 21, 2011   #4
Is there someone else can edit my essay? I need your critical thought!!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,339 129  
Mar 22, 2011   #5
Do you understand the corrections dumi made? There is no doubt that taking preventative measures against illness is important....

There is no doubt that taking preventative measures against illness and educating citizens about how to become healthier are necessary efforts.

are already suffering from...
... for old people who are already suffering from illnesses.

However, it is undeniable the necessity of health education and preventative measures is undeniable. i.e. The necessity is undeniable.

Governments should give abundant funding budget to efforts toward cure instead of health education and preventative measures, even though they are indispensable in some ways.

Nice! I like it...


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